Overthetop By Brian Latham
15 December 2002
column
A NEW class of hunter-gatherers has been discovered in a troubled central African nation, eminent anthropologists have announced. The new age hunter-gatherers come mainly from the middle classes, a phenomenon not thought possible outside certain troubled Balkan and eastern European states
In the past, 21st century hunter-gatherers were thought to be limited largely to the deepest regions of various South American and Central African rainforests
Still, the new-age troubled central African country's hunter-gatherers are, almost uniquely, urban dwellers with large motor cars and dwindling bank balances. But while their rural hunting and gathering counterparts in the rain forest hunt for bush meat and gather fruit, the urban sub-species has a much wider list of necessities to gather and hunt for
Top of the list is petrol, now a sought-after luxury prized more highly than beluga caviar or Havana cigars. Without petrol, say the troubled hunter-gatherers, no other hunting or gathering can take place
Once found, any price will be paid for the luxury commodity, thus allowing the troubled central African nation's hunter-gatherers to hunt for other desirable luxuries like maize meal, bread and milk
One of the troubled central African country's two tourists (who mysteriously became one of 20 000 in the state-controlled Horrid newspaper) said it was indeed a curious situation for milk to be considered a luxury, let alone bread and sugar. He said it had been several hundred years since these items were considered luxuries in the imperialist west, but there was no accounting for politics or taste
Meanwhile, the most equal of all comrades said it was quite obvious that commodity shortages were the work of avaricious businessmen, dispelling colonialist-inspired rumours that the economy had somehow been mismanaged by his government. Just as it was untrue to say that the shortage of food was due to the fact that all the farmers had been chased away with extreme prejudice, it was untrue to say that the lack of bread in the shops had anything to do with forcing bakers to sell their bread at a loss
"These are rumours spread by the running dogs of imperialism and other enemies of the state," said a government spin-doctor who then asked Over The Top for a loaf of bread, saying he hadn't eaten in a week. When OTT said that he himself had no bread (or sugar, cooking oil, mealie meal, butter, beef, milk or petrol) the government spokesman looked troubled and said that he had heard such items were available to economic saboteurs and the party elite. He then added, hastily, that economic saboteurs and the party elite were two separate entities and should not be confused, which OTT said was arguably the biggest lie he had uttered all day
Meanwhile, it was reported that corpulent gentlemen from the ruling Zany Party met in a central stronghold to discuss the food crisis and ways to resolve the country's economic decline. It was resolved that the best way to resolve the troubled central African country's economic problems was to blame white people, British people, the inherent weaknesses of capitalism, the Asian community, multinational companies, colonial history, farmers, businesses with no connection to the Zany party and anyone else who came to mind. Above all, it was decided blame should be spread wide while responsibility for the economic meltdown should not be laid at the feet of the Zany Party which was, as always, in full control of everything-especially the police who would deal harshly with anyone who suggested poor economic planning and corruption had anything to do with the fact that cigarettes are unavailable in a country that was just last year the world's second largest tobacco producer.
Be the first to Write a Comment!
Copyright © 2002 Zimbabwe Standard. All rights reserved. Distributed by AllAfrica Global Media (allAfrica.com). To contact the copyright holder directly for corrections — or for permission to republish or make other authorized use of this material, click here.
AllAfrica aggregates and indexes content from over 125 African news organizations, plus more than 200 other sources, who are responsible for their own reporting and views. Articles and commentaries that identify allAfrica.com as the publisher are produced or commissioned by AllAfrica.
