Kampala — On Sunday, a friend called to ask how I intend to spend Women's Day. Suddenly, the reminder that Tuesday (today) is International Women's Day plunged me into deep gloom. For the last four years, Women's Day always reminds me of a comment made by former Kenyan President Daniel arap Moi.

While opening a regional women's seminar in Nairobi in 2001, he said that one of the things that hinders women from making progress is because they have small brains. "You [women] can achieve more, can get more but because of your little minds, you cannot get what you are expected to get," he said.

Back then, I was a student with other priorities rather than women's issues, but I found the comment demeaning; besides, this was clearly an attempt to put women where society thinks they belong. True; there are women, just like men, with small brains, and Moi was aware that many of the women he was addressing had bigger brains than him.

His remark was just a way of telling the women "shut up! Don't rock the boat... you belong to the dishwasher."

Over the years, the interest in Women's Day seems to have dropped. Does the low level of interest show that women are not an endangered species anymore? Or have women achieved so much that they are bored with women issues?

International Women's Day is supposed to be the story of ordinary women as makers of history; it is rooted in the centuries-old struggle of women's right to participate in society on an equal footing with men. This day has, however, become a depressing yearly ritual at which inequalities are deplored, husbands beat their wives for refusing to cook, while there is little achievement to celebrate.

Much as the very notion of Women's Day makes some of us cringe, it is impossible to ignore its relevance. Every year a vast number of women and young girls in DR Congo, Darfur and right in our backyard - northern Uganda are battered to death, raped, trafficked for domestic or sexual purposes. Sometimes I tell myself it is ridiculous to devote one day to pondering such facts.

Today, there are a few lucky women who have grown up with equal opportunities, combining good jobs with families, men in their lives are equal partners, but it is not like that for many women - especially the rural poor. Recently, I was leaving office at 9.30 p.m. and a colleague said to me: "Maggie if you have a boyfriend, he won't marry you." I asked why. "Because you have to be home early to cook for the family," he said. It was more of a joke but this is a dilemma women face. So many women still have to choose between a high-flying career and family life.

Although women are reaching high offices, the lives of ordinary women remain limited by discrimination. These days, the status quo floats on different seas - men and women work, workplace demands the same from both gender and in the service economy, both gender are equal - literally. The difference is that women are responsible not only for working but also the domestic chores, the childcare, the cooking, the shopping, the cleaning and everything else. So women have a harder time in terms of balancing their work and home life.

In many countries, the number of women in parliament, and cabinet is climbing. The rise of which, stems in part from government initiatives aimed at propelling them to the upper ranks, but their numbers do not necessarily add up to influence in what remains a deeply patriarchal society.

It is common to read female articles in newspapers but in this profession, like many others, they're very few women in leading positions. I have heard media managers comment that "you women can only handle social issues" - in other words, it is a polite way of saying "you women can't handle hard news."

Prejudice against women is melting, but the pace of closing the gender gap is too slow, one wonders if feminism has failed in feminising society?

Some people even argue that feminism has only succeeded in making women behave badly.

Much as one would think the era of girls being girls and men being men are gone, today, even high salaried women always figure their husbands would take care of them, even if they earn more than these husbands. Why are such women clinging to their victimhood? Why are they so afraid of taking care of themselves and their families? Very few men are willing to take on domestic chores - because they are not willing to give up their 'aristocratic hegemony.'

Over the weekend, I attended a party where I met a bunch of materialistic young women - all vain and insecure, but dead set on finding a man - rich, handsome and utterly devoted to them. Most of the women are gainfully employed. Their conversations centred on the series of disappointing relationships and the depths of male treachery and neglect. As I left the party, I was thinking, '... so educated women with good jobs still sob over failing to get rich men to take care of them.'

What are equal opportunities for if men are still expected to be breadwinners until they retire and women remain the dependent creatures despite their abilities? What are marriages for if men still want dumb partners they can control? Are these the offspring of the feminist generation?

Contact: mvuchiri@monitor.co.ug