Jamilah Nuhu Musa
6 December 2005
Marriage traditions differ from one culture to another, yet the sole aim of tying a nuptial knot is for the single reason of becoming husband and wife, and procreating according to the injunction of the Almighty God. For most traditions this divine directive has been adhered to, and it has continued to be accepted as a norm for the society to continue to thrive.
In Sudan, there are two types of marriages, the traditional and Islamic one. Like in most African or Western traditions and indeed the world over, after a wedding the bride is conveyed to the groom's house and in some cases, like in the western style in which after the wedding the couples proceed for their honeymoon, after which they both come to their new home, which automa-tically becomes their matrimo-nial sanctuary. The typical Sudanese tradition however has preference for the bride's home, irrespective of whether an Islamic or a traditional wedding was conducted. The couple's home is infact the bride's parents' home, where before the marriage ceremony was concluded, a private apar-tment within her father's comp-ound had been designated as the couple's abode.
Ummaima Tijjani Abdulra-hman is a lecturer in Khartoum University and teaches Islamic Thoughts at the Faculty of Arts, Department of Islamic Studies. She was in fact surp-rised when Daily Trust asked her about the type of bridal items that women take to their husband's house after a wedding. "The bride does not go to her husband's house after a wedding" she exclai-med, "she remains in her fath-er's house" she further clari-fied. In a chat with Ummaima in Sudan, she told Daily Trust how this arrangement has so conveniently enhanced the marriage institution in Sudan.
A new bride she said "stays in her father's comp-ound where before the mar-riage, a place has been selected for her and the bridegroom. The self-contained apartment will have a private toilet and a balcony." The bride also does not need to worry about a kit-chen, because she is going to share her mother's kitchen. Her mother is expected to continue to coach her about the type of dishes she is to prepare to grace the dining table, for the delight of the new husband.
The mother also teaches the bride (her daughter) other marriage details. After the supposed 'training' the bride continues to tread in her mother's footstep, so much so that even after she becomes a full fledged housewife and has begun to make her own family, she is still expected to remain in her parents home with her husband and children. To Ummaima this is the most interesting part of the marriage as according to her, now that the couple have children, the children do not get in their way or disturb their marriage as they are expected to remain with their grandmother, or aunties so that the married couple can continue their 'honeymoon'.
The significance of rema-ining in the bride's parent's home is multi dimensional. In the first place the bride does not have to go to a new place (husband's home or house) where it is considered that she (the bride) is going to become like a stranger, it is assumed that it would take some time for her to adjust. She could also become too shy to relate with her husband's relations, and this could affect the relation-ship between her and them. There is also the added advan-tage of the bride-groom beco-ming a member of her father's household. Then she also continues to relate with her siblings whom she sees around the house, despite the fact that she was married. And to crown it all, the new member of the household, (the groom) is not bothered by the bride's family about any economic situation, neither does he have to attend to any family demand, except he wishes to do so. He is only expected to attend to his wife's needs like buying her hearts desires. It is also expected that no one disturbs his movement or privacy.
The arrangement is so convenient that every father looks forward to it, for a married daughter, her husband and children to become part of his household. Ummaima herself said that she has been married for the past 14 years, and her husband has lived in her fathers' house since then. She disclosed to Daily Trust that she is now making prepar-ations to extend some part of her fathers' home to take in her own daughter and her husb-and, when they get married soon. As for her son she said "though I have bought him a land on which he can build his own house when he likes, he is also expected to live in his wife's parent's home when he gets married."
Talking about marriage in Sudan, the expected period for a girl to get married is from the age of 13 years up till 30 years, and for boys from 18 to 35 years. When a marriage cont-ract is entered, the man or husband to be, assumably takes on most of the economic responsibilities. In addition to the dowry known in Sudan as 'Halasanmani' 'Anmani' Ummaima further explained means money, while 'halas' means 'you have already paid.' The groom also buys bridal items like clothing, jewelry, shoes, bags, and provides different kinds of perfumes. The perfume which is included in the bride's collection is expected to be provided by the groom's family, and especially prepared by the elderly members of his family. They do this by getting aromatic scents from various local perfumes specially made from local woods like sandal (mahalab)". The perfumes are produced in large quantity, and are kept by the bride for as long as she is married, and becomes a mother or even grandmother, to the extent that the perfume or particular scent is associated with her anytime she appears at a gathering.
In the past a bride would wear a wedding dress in keeping with her type of style or the type of fashion which symbolizes her area, for instance particular styles were worn by girls or brides from the north of Sudan, west or eastern Sudan. The Khartoum unive-rsity lecturer stated however that in the recent years Suda-nese girls, and even the Muslim ones have adopted the Euro-pean style of a white wedding gown, instead of their traditi-onal form of a 'top and lapaya' dressing or the use of traditi-onal wears specially made for the Sudanese wedding cerem-ony. She indicated that the use of a local skirt called the 'rahat' which is made from hide and skin, which is slit all round and adorned with cowries and metals has been discarded. "The bride was supposed to wear the 'rahat' during the 'dancing stage' of the cerem-ony." The slits on the hide and skin skirt move synonymously with her dance step, while it also flies in the air and makes her movement captivating, as the metals clanged against each other. Ummaima stated that the skirt had a symbolic meaning for the future of the bride, a belief simply held by the people that she would be blessed, and that the marriage would be blissful. This belief has been discarded by the majority of the Sudanese. However, since Ummaima's parents had moved from the village in the north of Sudan to the city in Khartoum she could not say whether brides in the rural areas still used the 'rahat'.
As earlier stated the Islamic wedding has a western touch to it, but in the case where the bride's family are quite relig-ious the western (white wedd-ing gown) used was given an Islamic outlook, in the sense that the head is completely covered, and the white gown has a long sleeve to cover her arms. If they are not very Islamic in the wedding, then the pure western style is worn with a half sleeve, and just part of the head covered. In any case after the ceremony, for the traditional or Islamic Fatiha, then another round of cerem-onies begin. The bride now changes into another dress which is usually a red colored silk material, she also wears "a decorated hair plaited cover" which is mostly decorated with gold, and is known as 'otagia-talarus'. She also wears gold earrings, necklace and ban-gles. Before this particular form of dressing or stage, the bride is expected to have undergone two to three week's 'dancing training' offered by a trainer who coaches her for her to acquire the best marriage dance steps for the wedding. Then she proceeds to celebrate her 'dancing steps', and this is exclusively a women affair organized solely by women groups in the society. Only the groom may come into this group to share some dance steps with his bride, while few of her male relations are also allowed to come in briefly to share the dancing stage. After that the bride is taken to her "home" or place located within her father's house, where thereafter the bride-groom joins her.
All the stages of the cere-mony consume a lot of money. Ummaima disclosed that in the minimum, the wedding costs up to 5,000 US dollars, an equivalent of 110 thousand Sudanese dinar (which is about 700,000 naira). But Islamic weddings in Sudan have reduced considerably, as Islamic scholars have de-emphasized the high cost of marriage, and governments have come to the aid of Muslim youths in the country, by sponsoring or financing Islamic marriages of large groups of 50 to 100 young men and women who plan to marry, periodically. At the institut-ional or organisational level colleagues of interested cou-ples contribute to support weddings, while philanthr-opists and Zakkat Commission have also facilitated the marriage institution.
Ummaima was delighted about this development as she related that the Sudanese people are happy about the marriage support, as it has reduced tremendously societal problems often related to marriage, adding that prior to this development the issue of delayed marriage had caused worry to elderly people, as well as parents in Sudan. She emphasized that Sudanese women are beautiful and well educated, but lack of marriage had continued to be a cause for concern. According to her there are situations where marriageable girls do not get engaged to eligible bachelors who have also stalled the marriage process by refusing to marry at the appropriate time.
Parents on their part may have many daughters, and high economic conditions could make it difficult for a father who recently performed a marriage to repeat the process within the period of one year. And if he has to do that then he would have to sell some of his property. On the part of the groom's family, they too have to accommodate the demands of extended family relations in addition to accommodating and feeding hundreds of friends, relations, and well wishers.
Speaking on the issue of what is known in Sudan as 'tahara' or purification of girls through Female Genital Muti-lation (FGM) Ummaima said that most of the 'new genera-tion' girls whom she described as graduates of universities or educational institutions, are now aware of the negative effects of FGM, and have began to question the rationale behind it, stating that those who were circumcised did it at a tender age of six or seven years when they did not have a say. The Khartoum Unive-rsity lecturer however stated that there were two types of Thought regarding the prac-tice. While one school of thou-ght is the liberal one, the other is religious, and stipulates the way Female Genital Mutilation FGM should be carried out and the reason for it.
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