Kampala — Political developments in Uganda are unfolding so fast, only the smartest shall survive them. It took just a weekend to undo the excitement that had been generated by the Attorney General's secret letter to the Chairman of the Electoral Commission, advising that Dr Kizza Besigye's presidential nomination could not proceed.

The letter had surfaced on Friday December 9. By Monday afternoon, the EC had asserted itself: Besigye could be nominated, and indeed he was on December 14.

Monday morning December 12: four of the G6 leaders hold a press conference at Christ the King.

"All options are on the table. Even the issue of a boycott," Jeema's Mayanja threatened. Now that the EC has decided to disregard the Attorney General's advice, have we survived the boycott?

Boycotting the forthcoming elections would be the best thing to happen to Mr Museveni and his NRM, who are visibly afraid of this election. By averting a real contest, the NRM would have saved some energy for another day. A sitting African government cannot fail to find "opponents" to run against. A boycott would only confuse the electorate, disenfranchise them and establish ground for the renowned international observers to declare a free and fair election.

For the opposition to have another day, it ought to participate in the elections under the typical Ugandan conditions, no buts no ifs.

It is common sense that one cannot steal what was never there. To claim that someone stole my vote, I must have cast it in the first place. It is only then that I would respond when someone convinces me that my vote had been stolen. I would then determine how to get it back and perhaps make the thief regret their actions.

Museveni was thinking exactly like me when he agreed to participate in the controversial 1980 elections. Although his party lost miserably, he had established the premise for his five-year protracted people's war that claimed hundreds of thousands of lives. He was to later become the only person in the country with a vision. Which is understandable, since all who had even a bit of sight, let alone vision, had perished.

Visitations

It is this very thinking that created optimal conditions for some god to start talking to his wife, Janet Kataha, at night. And to open the Lord's eyes to poverty and deprivation in Ruhama, disproving the visionary's claim that Uganda was such a prosperous nation.

This prompts me to pray tearfully to the Lord of Kataha to look this way as well, in Kasawo, where my ancestors lie, and see the poverty, that engulfs us, and send his only daughter Janet again, around 2020, having sorted out the problems in Ruhama, to represent us. I know Lord, that by that time, Janet's husband will be president of North Africa, having completed being president of East Africa. Will you please all pray with me?

I am looking at these nice photos on the Daily Monitor December 13, 2005, captioned: "Mbeki thanks Museveni for supporting ANC"; "Military Police boss slaps FDC leader". The Military Police boss, Lt Col. Dick Bugingo, had just slapped FDC's elections secretary and Aids activist Maj. Rubaramira Ruranga for attempting to salute President Thabo Mbeki for his government's hosting of FDC leader, Besigye for four years.

Ruranga should have known that this was a very bad thing to do. How do you salute one Head of State who just recently preferred rape charges against his Vice President Jacob Zuma when he visits his friend who recently heard (he was not involved) that the DPP had preferred rape charges against his former doctor, Kizza Besigye? How do you, Ruranga?

Now that what is left to expect of the African Unity and the Africa Renaissance is a lot of rape charges against political opponents, are heads of governments visiting each other to compare notes on how to exterminate opponents? Would there be a teleconference later in the day, with Mugabe?

Only America can save us. We shall report this government to George Bush, son of Bush, the champion of human rights and democracy. There is a little snag though. This Besigye is also a suspected terrorist. The global war on terror understands the implications of holding such a dangerous criminal. For fear that Kizza may be transferred to Guantanamo Bay, I think we should drop the subject altogether.

I call anyway. This time to alert him that Museveni intends to rig an election. The lines are not so good, George sounds like he is in a bunker in Falluja. He is on his cell phone. We have connections you see. I firmly state my case. "Rig?" he barks. I say, yes.

"Elections or oil?" I say, "elections". "Talk to Jeb Bush, only he is good, I mean really good, in that department. Lemme text you his number, he lives in Florida you know." I hear something like "Are you at the ranch, ... is it... in Mbraaraaa?" I quickly say no. I tell him my name, sex and age. I also add expressly, that unlike Sir Elton John, whose wife is Mr Furnish, my wife is a female person called Hawa.

Before I add that the Lord has attempted to speak to me too, twice in the past week, the phone, still on my ear, rings. He had disconnected. This was another call. Asking me to look for solutions to Uganda's problems at home, not elsewhere.

But why did this guy think all along that he was talking to Museveni?