There have been many proposals in recent weeks on how to address the vexing issue of crime. Some, like FNB's, have captured the public imagination. However, Skelm wonders whether the suggestion he received this week will inspire citizens to action. Nigel Kahn, who describes himself as Cape Town Co-ordinator of Invincible South Africa, writes as follows: "There is a solution to the problem of escalating crime in South Africa: create coherence in national consciousness. A group of 700 experts in Transcendental Meditation and the advanced technique of Yogic Flying will neutralise the intense stress in national consciousness which at present is not only causing violence to flare up but is also rendering the government powerless to act against it. The effect will be seen immediately, almost overnight."

Mr Kahn assures us that scientific studies have proved that there are "dramatic reductions in crime and violence when a large enough group of Yogic Flyers is assembled". And how does it all work? "It is a field effect of consciousness, radiating a real influence of coherence and peace on the level of the unified field, rather as a radio station radiates an invisible but real influence throughout the electromagnetic field." Skelm wonders what the Yogic Flyers are putting in their peace pipes.

Perhaps it's the same stuff that Zebulon Dread has been smoking. The Cultural Terrorist has an-nounced his imminent departure for India where he is to reprise his identity as a Hare Krishna devotee named Sitarama dasa. Dread informs us that he plans to spend the next ten years travelling the world "to help in the establishment of santana dharma or the eternal activities of the soul while making many spiritual films and writing new books pertaining to matter of the spirit." Skelm wonders whether the man who describes himself as "big, black and f***king bombastic" will be able to handle this.

If this radical reinvention of Zebulon Dread is not enough of a shock, consider the invitation Skelm re-ceived to his farewell function. In-cluded in the festivities will be an auction of his prized posessions. If you should be so lucky, you could bid for and own a packet of the man's legendary dreadlocks. He has promised to shave the lot publicly and sell it off in five bundles.

This is only for those with a strong constitution.

Skelm wonders whether the Food and Allied Workers Union has been on its own journey some place beyond our borders. This week, almost two months after Agriculture Minister Lulama Xingwana got herself into all kinds of trouble with her Christmas message to farmers, the union finally woke up. A press release offering the minister their unconditional support and berating farmers was released on Tuesday.

The union got in only just in time. On Wednesday the minister and the farmers announced they were preparing a joint statement after meeting to patch up their differences.

The Cape Town Press Club's woes continue. Last week Skelm was embarassed to reveal that someone at the esteemed instution did not know their Sisulus from their Luthulis and that KwaDukuza MP Albertina Luthuli had cancelled her speaking engagement after the club had announced the guest speaker as Albertina Sisulu. Now we learn that Ms Luthuli's hastily found replacement, Sheryl Ozinsky, cancelled her commitment and the press club has now invited ID city caucus leader Simon Grindrod. We hope he doesn't let them down.