BuaNews (Tshwane)
24 August 2007
Mafikeng — As South Africa celebrates women this month, a former convict and reformed women beater has chosen to speak out against women abuse, writes Lehuma Ntuane.
The self-confessed abuser, Daniel Lobese (38), who used to hurl punches onto his girlfriend's defenseless body whenever they had a disagreement, has become an integral part of driving government's message and campaign against gender violence.
Through the streets of his remote village of Disaneng outside Mafikeng, Mr Lobese used to roar like a beast and cause panic and fear among the locals, especially while intoxicated with drugs. He caused pain to many in the vicinity, especially his girlfriend at the time. She had become his punching bag, always with a battered face and serious bruises as a result of her boyfriend's constant beating. Things got worse in their relationship and one day Mr Lobese stabbed her 11 times with a knife.
Fortunately she survived, but her abuser went on to serve seven years in jail for serious bodily harm and attempted murder. Mr Lobese has since turned over a new leaf and is set on mending his old abusive ways. The lanky and shy man is now involved in community development programmes. He is a part-time educator at an Adult Basic Education and Training centre in his village and is currently undergoing a course at the Family and Marriage Association of South Africa (FAMSA).After completing the FAMSA course, Mr Lobese will become a caregiver in his community.
"I want to contribute to this initiative and to empower people to have and maintain sound relationships in their families, marriages and in communities," he said.Mr Lobese is also involved in ministry services and 30 days after his release from prison, he formally apologized to the community he once wronged and his former girlfriend. When talking to BuaNews, he said women deserved more and should be treated as equals in relationships and in work places. "Violence against women is a crime against humanity.
"The psychological and physical harm we make to them result in their systematic exclusion from economic activities and social engagements," he said. Mr Lobese said that the self-help programmes available in prison had changed his life. "I attended psychological workshops and formal education training in prison, Social Workers and Spiritual Leaders used to visit us.
"I used much of my time to acquire knowledge and information to empower myself so that I am become ready for the world outside once released," said Mr Lobese. While he was in prison, Mr Lobese was also tutor of maintenance, plumbing courses. He told BuaNews he regretted all he had done to his former girlfriend and said addiction to drugs and his family's living conditions had played a role in his past life.
"The circumstances at home had a negative contribution in my relationship because at that time I was not working and there was some much expected from me by my family," he said. Rejection was the biggest enemy of most inmates who were about to be released, said Mr Lobese. "They should be assisted to get back in the fold of the community and not to be left alone in the cold," he elaborated. Lisa Vetten, a senior researcher at Tshwaranang Legal Advocacy Centre, said many women were only in relationships for the convenience and comfort of their partners with no individual status.
"Some men think women are just tools and that is why they easily abuse them," said Ms Vetten. To improve the status of women in society, Ms Vetten said organized structures like the church should take part in recognizing women as equal to men. According to Ms Vetten, many women still shy away from speaking out about abuse in their families but Agnes Moremedi (46) refused to be a victim of gender violence.
Instead, she has chosen to be a proud survivor. She divorced her abusive husband after having lived for over 12 years with a hope that things would be fine one day. "I compromised my happiness in the relationship and I was quite afraid that people will not believe me because my husband is a well respected and a well known person in the community," said Ms Moremedi. Apart from enduring the physical abuse during a major part of her failed marriage, she sacrificed her job and stopped working because her husband did not approve of it. "My husband did not allow me to work and I compromised it and remained in my marriage," said Ms Moremedi.
The final straw for her relationship was when her husband failed to be transformed after attending marriage counseling sessions and love-life workshops. "I realized that there was nothing left in my marriage to fight for or protect," said Ms Moremedi. By the time she divorced her husband, Ms Moremedi was diagnosed with high blood sugar diabetes which stemmed from the psychological distress from her marriage.
She has since recovered from the distress and abuse she suffered at the hands of her former husband after undergoing counseling at the Mafikeng Crisis Centre.
Be the first to Write a Comment!
Copyright © 2007 BuaNews. All rights reserved. Distributed by AllAfrica Global Media (allAfrica.com). To contact the copyright holder directly for corrections — or for permission to republish or make other authorized use of this material, click here.
AllAfrica aggregates and indexes content from over 125 African news organizations, plus more than 200 other sources, who are responsible for their own reporting and views. Articles and commentaries that identify allAfrica.com as the publisher are produced or commissioned by AllAfrica.
