Joachim Buwembo
9 October 2007
opinion
Nairobi — Our parents and schoolteachers used to tell us that we must work hard if we wanted to succeed. We grew up believing in hard work as the way to success.
But as new economic ideologies emerge, many of the ideals we were brought up on have been seriously challenged and it is becoming increasingly difficult to decide what to follow.
The definition of success itself is no longer universal. Some even ask whether it is good to succeed, as this may reflect poor goal setting in the first place. And if you succeed, then what next? It could be at the age of 25, after all.
But success aside, the idea of hard work is increasingly frowned upon by modern management gurus. They advise us to devise ways of working as little as possible and retiring as early as we possibly can. The idea of working hard is becoming laughable, and they now advise us to work smart instead.
Actually, Ugandan businessmen have already started working smart. We have seen smart businessmen working smart on one deal and retiring with a smile, no longer needing to work again. Over the past decade or so, they discovered a way to make huge profits at one go. What one did was to make a plan that was bound to fail on execution.
It worked like this: You made a feasibility study for a business idea that was bound to fail. Either insecurity would make deliveries impossible or lack of power supply would ensure that you failed to take off. You could establish a ghost ranch where there was no security and then some unseen soldiers would come and eat your unseen livestock, or something like that.
The next step would be legal. You filed your papers in the court demanding a huge compensation package from the government. After filing, you would talk to someone in the Attorney General's chambers who would ensure that the state was poorly defended, or not defended at all. A huge award would be made in your favour and once again, you ensured that the state would forget to file an appeal in time.
The rest would be easy. Payment for such claims would be done very fast, too fast actually, as there would be several parties in the process who would expect to share something.
BUT THAT was the past. These days, there is a merciless woman judge called IGG (Inspector General of Government) who is treating such smart deals like treason. She has caused the fall of some people who failed to abandon such smart ideas and that avenue is closed. So the smart workers have devised a better way to earn quick and retire early.
What you do these days is to register a company with a nice venture idea. The timing is very important. For example, if there is a big international conference coming to town, the venture could be an urban cleaning company. Or if the government is busy urging investors to help diversify exports from the traditional three Cs (coffee, cotton and copper) you come with a venture for exporting fish.
So you write an impressive plan for a fish processing plant that requires $20 million and proceed to say it needs $41 million. You then invite government to take up a 49 per cent shareholding worth $20 million. So they pay you $20 million with which you fund everything until the factory is up and running. The government's 49 per cent ensures the Auditor General has no right to poke his nose into your affairs since the taxpayer is a minority shareholder in your business. It also means the Public Accounts Committee of Parliament cannot interfere with your business.
Now do not ask silly questions like how can government invest in a business venture without the approval of parliament. It has happened, it is happening and it will happen again. Your 51 per cent, for which you did not pay a penny, entitles you to provide management, write the accounts and generally run the show, though the government may send one or two token directors to dress up your windows.
But if you have no time to waste running a smelly fish factory, just don't invest most of the money and declare that due to lake pollution, the European market for East African fish has collapsed, and so has the business. Then you take your $18 million or so as a retirement package. Smart, eh? Don't say we didn't tell you.
Joachim Buwembo is the editor of the Daily Monitor of Kampala
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what a good contribution brother buwembo.its a good financial guide towards raising capital. please thank you.