The Reporter (Addis Ababa)
Hailu T.
1 December 2007
opinion
Addis Ababa — In Ethiopia, there are many events and occasions that serve as a social bond and venue where bonds, be they blood or neighborly, get reinforced. Weddings, mahebers, funerals, holidays and so on are all such occasions.
Last week a father of a close friend of mine passed away. As norm should have it all his closest friends were beside him the moment we were notified. There started the whole bustle associated with such an occasion. The idir of which the family was a member, soon came on the scene and started giving out orders on what to do. Soon the kitchen was busy with preparations of the food that would be served for the people who came to console the family. An ox was slaughtered in a mere ten minutes.
Unlike many other countries, people mourn differently here. Crying out loud for long periods of time is in vogue. Every close relative that shows up comes into the house in a different manner of crying and the family cries with them every time.
We soon learned that even though it's been a long day for the family and relatives we were told of a custom that prohibits anyone from eating while a dead body lies in the house. Not standing for it, we took our friend out to get something to eat and keep his strength up.
People soon started showing up as the word spread to pay their respect. Every person that showed up wanted the details of how the person died and started asking the family questions. Maybe the rational behind it may be that the more the family talked about the death the more they come to terms with it. But on the other extreme, and most likely, every time the question is asked, it makes the family relive each moment when they describe it. Considering the number of people who show up to comfort the bereaved, it gets even tiring to repeat each time.
My experience of the Ethiopian tradition when it comes to death continued the next day when it was time to erect the tent for people to sit in. We were told that each member of the idir would bring parts of the tent and erect it and that our services were not required as it specified in the by-laws for members to do so. Hardly anyone showed up as it turned out to be a miscommunication amongst the members of the idir. It soon became apparent there were many people who took authority unto themselves and started directing everyone from many sides. "Confusing" hardly expresses the scene as everyone was shouting orders back and forth.
The funeral service was said to take place at 3 pm that afternoon and people were told accordingly. But come 2:15 pm everyone was rushing out from the house and going to the church at 2:30 for the service to begin. I was later told that funeral services used to take ages and in a new move to make services short and simple people have started to take care of them as quickly as possible.
My education in the funeral service continued as I was told that my friend's father was to be buried next to his deceased wife, for which a plot was already prepared. The plot, unlike having the person be buried into the ground was made in a type of tomb where the casket would be inserted in sideways.
What no one had thought of doing was to make sure if the size of the casket would fit in a tomb made a decade ago. When it was time to put the casket in the tomb, a huge struggle ensued as people pushed and shoved to push it in. It soon became apparent that there was no way the casket would fit in. The people that were gathered started shouting out suggestions and advices as to what to do. The best solution seemed to be to remove the wooden ornaments that were attached. That being done, some of the workers took to chip away at the edges of the concrete to better fit the casket.
It is known that the burial of a body is the hardest for the family and a time where they cry out the most. With this burial the whole ordeal of fitting the casket took about 20 minutes, which was agonizing not only to the family members but to all those present at the scene. Once the casket was been laid in the tomb, some people started suggesting that the ornament that taken off should be put in as well claiming that nothing should be left behind.
Some social habits of ours are no doubt better forgotten as they have come to be too outdated and are not in tune with the times. For many, the funerals and the days that follow are very tasking as they take time and energy especially to the family that is in mourning. I soon learned that if a Muslim person dies, he is buried without any casket and no tears are to be shed by family members. Even if they do, it is not supposed to run and touch the ground as it will burn the person that passed away according to their belief. Women are not allowed to be present for the burial and the whole process is done very quickly. As opposed to Christian practices, mourning in Islam takes place not by crying or placing oneself in danger, but by reminiscing about the person that passed away and talking about all the good things that they have done.
As an evolving society, we must do away with some cultures and learn from others. Funerals are definitely one of those events that need revision that is long over due.
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