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Rwanda: Domestic Violence - Get Out of This Vicious Circle of Hell
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The New Times (Kigali)
19 January 2008
Posted to the web 21 January 2008
Dr. Rachna Pande
Kigali
Some recent issues of The New Times I have had the chance to read, have stories about domestic violence in one form or another.
A child hit seriously by his father, a wife beaten to death by husband - it is appalling to find that domestic violence is as prevalent here as anywhere else in the world.
Domestic violence or violence in the house is a universal phenomenon, and it is apparent that no country, race or community is free from it.
In India where the ancient culture projects women as divine powers or goddesses, women are abused in many ways in both rich and poor communities. Even in the US and the developed nations, women are not free from this ill.
Targets of domestic violence are the weaker members of the family, mostly women and children, and in some cases elderly people. Except in rare cases, men may be the victims and women perpetrators.
In any case, domestic violence leads not only to just some injuries. In extreme cases there can be permanent disability and even death. The result is broken homes or loveless matrimonial lives.
A woman fed up of the constant beating may divorce the husband or may just leave his home just like that. Even if they live together, there will be constant mental tension and no love lost between them.
Love and affection are like a thread - if broken, it cannot be mended, and if one tries to mend it, the knot will remain forever. Children are the innocent victims of such broken homes.
Domestic violence is basically the outcome of behavioural abnormality. Losing one's temper is a sign of a weak mind. It takes very little or no provocation at all for such minds to lose their temper.
Such weak minded persons take out their frustrations, tensions and anxieties on the easier target available, and that is their wives and children.
These people are not able to face the challenges of the outside world very well, but become very "brave" in their homes.
In milder cases it may take the form of abusive language, but in severe cases they indulge in physical violence. Male ego is yet another underlying reason for domestic violence.
In olden times, men were considered to be superior to women. The thought still prevails in many traditional societies of the world even today.
Because of this, men regard themselves as superior and consider that they have a right to beat up their wives in supposed wrongs and indiscipline.
Even among modern educated families, very few men believe in gender equality. They cannot see their wives progress more than them. If this happens, then because of sheer jealousy they indulge in violence.
Apart from these weak minded individuals, there is another group of persons who are sadists. Sadism is a form of mental perversion where one gains satisfaction after inflicting injury to another person or seeing him or her suffer.
Now where would a sadist find somebody to torture easily for self-satisfaction? Simple; it is the wife and helpless children at home. One can easily put the blame of domestic violence on alcohol.
Many otherwise sober people lose their self control entirely under the influence of alcohol and indulge in undesirable violent conduct.
Those using other addictive substances like cannabis, etc. also show similar irregularities in their behaviour. These men can be seen regretting after the effect of addiction is over.
There may be cases of frank psychosis like maniac depressive psychosis or schizophrenia that indulge in violence at home due to their mental sickness, and may not realize what they are doing.
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Violence committed may not be physical i.e. of deed, alone. It can be of words. If somebody is constantly abusing, shouting, and nagging when at home, it becomes a torture for other family members.
Again it is only the men who claim the dubious right do so; because for a woman to behave in similar manner would be reprimanded immediately.
Violence of thought is said to exist if a person thinks ill of someone and may think of harming him or her. In a household this refers to the people who think ill of their spouses, doubt their fidelity or are jealous of them.
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