Yetunde Arebi
6 March 2008
column
Lagos — In the past, as soon as one graduates from the university or any institution of higher learning, it was said that the job will be there, waiting for you to fill in the vacancy.
Then, life they said, was good, marriage and children came easy and you could just succumb to the desires of the flesh and have your night parties away.
With time came population explosion and all its attendant problems, coupled with our other socio-cultural problems. Not forgetting the economy. The story is not the same today.
Graduates now fall only into the waiting arms of unemployment. Enlightenment, westernisation, gender wars and human rights activities have made the world and indeed, Nigeria, a more combative and competitive playing field. Marriage age for both men and women have shot up, except in the circle of children born into affluence.
Onozure Dania went to town to sample the opinions and experiences of respondents on the issue of late marriages. Beginning from this edition, you will be reading her report.
Dear readers, are you still single and over 30 years old? Please share your opinion and experiences with us on why you have remained single. Readers can also feel free to send in any human angle story of their choice, but it must be based on true life experiences. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. or E-mail address:
Gbola, (38), a doctor, says the male power is very crucial
The male power is knowing that you are in control of a situation. The male power is about being in charge, the male power is knowing that you have the last say on any issue when it comes to taking decisions between you and the female counterpart.
And how do you achieve that? You need to have what it takes to be a man. You cannot be a man when you do not have money in your account, not pocket this time. How much can you keep in your pocket? You need to be able to pay rent on your apartment, no matter how small it is.
The size of the apartment will naturally depend on your status, state and pocket too. No man wants a woman to pay for his bunk because when that happens, the place is not your's, you both have equal rights.
Then, you want to furnish the place with the basic gadgets. The furniture and the electronics, the cooker and other stuffs.
If you have everything in place and you invite a girl over, even if she had been nursing some doubts in her mind about agreeing to your advances, the state of the apartment is enough to make her change her mind. That is how fickle many of these ladies are.
After settling the bunk issue, you need a good ride. Most women do not want to go about with their man in taxis or buses. They want to step out of the house and into a car. They want to arrive at parties and step out of a car with their men beside them. That is how you too will feel like a husband.
That you are able to provide for your wife and make her happy. The male power is being able to provide for the basic needs that will make you feel worthy of that tag, husband.
When you have the good apartment, a good car and you dress well, you will find it almost too easy to have the girls falling all over you. Then, you will feel in control and can take on any challenge associated with the female specie.
And that also means that you are ready for fatherhood and a family life. Without those basic things, my sister, don't just venture into marriage. Money is one of the most important ingredients needed to make a marriage work. Without money, that marriage will suffer a lot of problems.
Love is not enough to make marriage work. These days, the expectations of people and even the need to be individualistic is too great for love to remain the focal point in marriage. A lot of people have had to sacrifice their so called love and marriages when they found themselves in very difficult financial situations and the only way out was the arms of other women or men.
If you remove the difficulties and restrains caused by money, then, you can think of communication, tolerance and perseverance. If you think money is not important, you are deceiving yourself and you will be shocked when you discover the truth.
I am not married now simply because I have just achieved what I want. But there are other goals I have set for myself now, and I think I have to achieve them before I get married.
However, if I come across a lady I like or something happens, you know what I mean, then I think I shall not really mind settling down. I have that power now.
Bisi (33) a Computer Engineer, says her problem is spiritual.
It is the dream of every individual, man and woman, to aspire to get married. It is a life long dream and, as you attain the age, you look forward to you meeting that person that will make that dream come true. But getting married is not that simple.
It goes beyond being able to afford to keep a home. It goes beyond finding a beautiful or handsome partner. It is something that involves spiritual under-standing. It is something that requires more than the eyes can see. That is my own problem.
I have a good job, and I am of age, but still, I am not married yet. Every time I meet someone I like, it is either the person is not interested in me at all, or once we have one or two outings, the person just suddenly develops cold feet and does not call me again.
I have been through a number of men I do not want to mention here, yet, the story has remained the same. Sometime ago, a friend took me to one of these white garment churches and it was there that I was informed that I have a spiritual husband. I was shocked.
Though I have been hearing about such things, but I never believed it was possible, not to even think of finding myself in that category. But the pastor said it is true. He asked me if I remember any of the type of dreams that I usually have.
He told me to watch out and see if I will be able to recognise any of the faces in my dreams when ever I wake up. He told me that I will be dreaming about children, a husband, main-taining my own home and stuffs like that.
Indeed, I discovered it was true a couple of days later. In the dream, the man, my supposedly spirit husband, told me that I had made a mistake by bringing my spiritual life to the real world and that he is not prepared to leave me alone.
I thought the dream very strange, but when I reported back to the pastor, he said that is usually the pattern of things. He told me to go on a three days fast, after which we shall have a special prayer session. I have done everything recommended, but the story is still the same.
I still have not met someone I like, and those I like do not approach me. So, what do I do?
However, the pastor has told me to bring the name of any man I like. He said that there are special prayers that I could do to make the person like me, even to the extent of marrying me. But I'm yet to decide on that. I want to wait for God's own time.
Be the first to Write a Comment!
Copyright © 2008 Vanguard. All rights reserved. Distributed by AllAfrica Global Media (allAfrica.com). To contact the copyright holder directly for corrections — or for permission to republish or make other authorized use of this material, click here.
AllAfrica aggregates and indexes content from over 125 African news organizations, plus more than 200 other sources, who are responsible for their own reporting and views. Articles and commentaries that identify allAfrica.com as the publisher are produced or commissioned by AllAfrica.
