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Uganda: The Akon I Know
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The Monitor (Kampala)
OPINION
12 May 2008
Posted to the web 12 May 2008
So I missed Akon. I mean, I missed seeing Akon, the man, not the show. You know how it is, people start telling you how they are "going for Akon", totally retarded, if you cared to know what I think about such statements.
But hey, this is the Human Right's anniversary year. 50th anniversary.
A Human Right's Golden jubilee! Now, what kind of person would that make me if I chose a time like this to infringe on any of these human rights and castigate people for their freedom to mis-communicate and bring down languages, sentences and phrases while at it? Some languages have actually died with this method. Could be fun to kill something that enables you to express yourself, and realise another one of your rights.
So yes, you can go ahead and go for Akon, enjoy him (really?) and happen, and have a B. There after, we shall all "click up" and "jazz" about it.
Although, unfortunately for me, I won't be just jazzing, I will be crying, wailing actually, shedding tears, one at a time - with global warming becoming more and more serious by the day, it wouldn't be clever to shed all my tears fast and in one go.
I might write a little sad poem about it actually and stick it on my wall, just so I can remember what exactly it is that I am crying for, every time the tear starts rolling. Oh, and just in case you are wondering, I am dead serious about this, my sentiments are not pretended. I am not trying to make small talk or an attempt at cruel humour - I have little time for such luxuries these days anyway.
I spend all my available time trying to fit so many things in my little head every day of this past week; there are the guys who look exactly like the men in those catalogues every woman must love to peruse through.
And now here they are, in my face, in exactly the way I remember them (in those pages) and I have to figure out what to tell them, fast, in a language they can understand. And all this - wondering, thinking, guessing, kicking myself for openly staring - has to be done just before the next bus leaves me - again.
So, like I was saying, I really have no time to chit-chat about Akon. Maybe I can spare sometime to chit-chat about Sylvia Owori. She is a great subject to chit-chat about, I can spare the time for her. I will catch the next bus - tomorrow.
Now about her; one of my girls tells me that, apparently, there was a time, during the Akon party on Thursday night, when anyone could have guessed exactly what was on her mind; "Hey, I am Sylvia Owori. I am the girl whom you should be trying to know," (and I second that thought). But then, like my girl would say, Akon is no mind reader. He probably will never know how much extra press he missed out on.
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Poor guy. Although, despite everything - inability to read minds and all - I can tell you what Akon is really capable of, the reason I can't stop talking about him right now - and it has nothing to do with his diamonds (on him and in the ground). Before he could shout instructions to make the journalists at the Airport (when he arrived) disappear.
Akon is the man who makes big companies cry; openly, in public, and admit that he is worth all that - even when they secretly know that he isn't. (There is Barbara Streisand people. Anyone know who that woman is? Now that is who is worth all that).
So yeah, we waited, the whole of East Africa, even those who have just entered the community - poor guys, welcome to the real world. Jesus has nothing on this guy. Seriously. Eventually, he did come, which is a great thing. And I missed his show, which is a great thing too, because that way, I will never change my mind about him.
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