Santosh Mahadeo
15 July 2008
editorial
Port Louis — By Santosh Mahadeo, former director of Curriculum, Ministry of Education
Nowhere is the skill of parenting more important than when parents are in charge of children who are at school, college or university. If there is a generation of children who grow unparented because of the total absence of parents in children's decision-making stages, leading the children to unethical, perversely autocratic judgements, there is another generation of baby-boomers who have parents encroaching with impunity into a territory where choices should be left to children after a wise accompaniment by parents.
Parents everywhere
We have witnessed parents who barge into a class and scream at the teacher because the child felt he was too harsh. Children have been found to be chauffeured from private tuition to ballet classes, from singing to tennis lessons and there has been little room left for the child's independence. Many secondary school students do not know the price of a kg of rice, flour or potatoes. These parents are always around their children's lives, on the fringe, always making sure things go the way they need to go and not really allowing the child to figure out solutions to problems of their own. Parents have been known to accompany their children through their homework to the point of doing it for their wards. We know of parents, specially mothers, who take a vacation leave before the CPE examination period, during and after to assuage the wounds of a heavy battle. The cell phone has become the longest umbilical cord together with e-mail facilities and instantaneous text messaging, that modern technology provides. A few parents are known to be bustling for a place in the Parent Teacher Association to ensure that their own children enjoy all the privileges an institution can offer. Educational administrators are worried about how their school climates are affected by intrusive parents trying to set their own agenda but also about the ability of young people to become independent.
Types of parents
In fact the millennial generation of kids may have the academic skills to succeed but they are somewhat lacking in life skills like self-reliance, sharing and conflict resolution. We also know that certain parents accompany their children - adolescents of 18 - to universities abroad and return only after they are satisfied that these 'adultescents' or 'kidults' can fend for themselves. In this category of parents called 'helicopter parent', there is a number of sub-castes - the agent, the banker, the white knight, the bodyguard and the black hawk.
The agent helicopter parent will ensure that all preliminary facilities are made available to the child. He will guarantee safety of access by filling application forms and establishing contacts. The banker helicopter parents is the one who provides money without collaterals. The child is given more than enough money so that he feels no pinch away from parents' sight. The Black Hawk helicopter parent is named after military helicopter dreaded by teachers and educational administrators. The Black Hawk is unique among parents because he is willing to go any lengths to give his child a positional advantage in any competition. Such parents are particularly lethal when they elect themselves in PTAs.
Infantile society
Frank Furedi, Professor of Sociology at the University of Kent, views the rise of helicopter parents as an indication of the 'infantilisation' of society and the steady blurring of the boundaries between childhood and adulthood. It is important that the child knows the taste of defeat, the value of thrift, the paramount importance of effort, perseverance, the need for patience by allowing them the freedom to fight the unknown. By constantly solving the child's problems, we, parents, deprive our children of the stark need to face imponderables. The generation of adolescents we have brought up want too much too fast and are subject to easy depression when they are confronted with failure.
No manual with babies
No child is born with an owner's manual. That is why parenting is a natural skill that accompanies the biological act of procreation. Our own parents had a mother wit that taught them certain priorities. They had time and in spite of errors there have been many successes. Our generation of adults have had little time. Even when we have been at home, we have allowed the arsenic hours, the difficult time between return from work and the retreat of children into their own rooms to go by unused. The computer, the TV set and other pastimes have kept us away from genuine parenting.
The school vs parents
The school must not resist helicopter parents' intrusive action. In fact, the rules of intervention must be negotiated with parents. The border lines separating responsibilities should not be transgressed. School leaders must be given the freedom to sanction behaviour of parents who are irreverent and abusive. Helicopter parents are afraid and traumatized by all the harm that we have heard children undergo at the hands of a few unscrupulous adults. That is why every school must provide:
a. A parents' pack containing pieces of advice about parenting, norms and standards governing parents' participation in the teaching and leaning process.
b. Hold initiation or induction sessions with parents of newcomers like initiating courses held for freshers at university. These school leaders must be adequately briefed about respecting the self-esteem of parents.
c. Negotiate with parents what action must be taken to limit unwarranted intrusion while keeping in mind the need to educate a child to be independent and apply life skills wisely.
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