B. Mezgebu
3 September 2008
column
I don't know if there are that many places anywhere whose residents don't give and don't take presents. Gifts serve I presume, as social lubricants to a certain extent.
Occasions for the exchanges may vary form country to country or from culture to culture. Some of the well-known events during which gifts and kisses are lavishly swapped such as birthdays, weddings or anniversaries predominate.
In Addis and other major towns in Ethiopia, we find new events and reasons for giving gifts and organizing parties get installed every now and then. These new additions mean more feasts, never mind the fact that they are self-imposed. It is a contradiction in terms that as costs rise, especially food cost, the etiquette of giving gifts and partying gets multifaceted and spread like wild fire.
One recent add-on that has now become almost binding is the graduation party. In the past, graduation parties involved just few friends and very modest and basic entertainment, if at all. The most self-indulgent graduating students went from bar to bar in a one-night binge and that was about all.
In recent years, graduation parties involving not only those who have just graduated and their close friends but sometimes entire members of the community, is the new craze. In some affluent homes, tents are erected and friends and colleagues are invited. These parties are no less plush than a full-fledged wedding party. All neighbors come.
And there lies the catch, unfortunately. The catch is the unwritten rule that when you go to a graduation lunch or dinner party, you just don't go there empty handed. The only question is; what kind of gift will it be? And if there are more than one graduation parties running parallel in the neighborhood, your already tight budget is ready to snap.
Having said that, I dare add that there is reason for hope. Some people in some countries are taking concrete measures to change all that. They call the movement the "no-gift etiquette". And this novel decorum is getting more and more frequent by the day. One newspaper has described the movement thus: " Guests should beware of turning up with lavish presents. Gifts, you see are much of last year's thing . no present, just your presence is the fashionable new way to sign off an invitation"
Why this no-present phenomenon now? Of course this trend is unfolding mainly in some countries of the developed and rich world. As such therefore, it may not be replicable in old-world countries like Ethiopia. But on the other hand, it could.
Some of the reason for this sea-change in these countries could be the following: maybe people realize they have got everything they want and anymore gifts will have the effect of only clattering the living room. It could be that some people are just thrifty. It could also be a fatigue over the hassle with oneself of what kind of gift to give.
In this new setting ( no-present setting), more than ever, you have to exercise more scrutiny by reading carefully the invitation cards sent to you; in case you don't overlook the vital instructions and recommendations some of which can sound so in-your-face: No presents, just you presence. You presence with us on this special day will be our cherished gift. If you want to bring something, please make it an item of food that will be donated to the needy. It is your presence, not your gift. That means the cards leave no loophole for those who might still insist of coming with gifts.
In many towns in this country these days, it is the height of the graduation season and therefore of lavish parties. Parents throw parties. Rich parents as well as those who have difficulty to make ends meet do so. With the current costs of everything from A to Z, the expense for holding of even the barest of parties has become a tsunami to the pocketbook.
So what can be done? The answer to that question, at least in the context of this article is, to follow that trail unfolding overseas right now. How to go about it? I think the daring must lead. If they begin to insist that they are not accepting gifts, the rest of us, who are not so sure, can follow.
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