13 September 2008
opinion
Kampala — ONE of the most glorious things about this wonderful country of ours is its bounty of wildlife. Too often we urbanites get too wrapped up in our city life to pause and think about the wonderful bounty of wildlife with which we share our great nation.
Actually I should have said too often you urbanites, because I pause to reflect on animals all the time. In fact just this weekend I was thinking about geckos. Specifically I was thinking about the incredible mechanism the humble gecko uses to climb walls.
Geckos are able to cling to virtually any surface on the planet. They can even cling to denim, as I discovered while cooking in my kitchen. I felt a weight on my leg as I chopped up my onions and looked down to discover a plump gecko right there, on my trouser leg.
Looking up at me and blinking. A what?: Now, I appreciate the valuable role geckos play in our ecosystem as much as the next guy and that is why I said, immediately and loudly, "Aaargh! Get it off me! Eugh! Argh!" I could tell from the look in its eyes that the gecko was not amused.
Because geckos are by nature forthright creatures, it went right ahead and said so: "Get it off me, Baz? IT? I am an IT?" A who?: "Yes Renee" (Renee is his name, by the way.
I should have introduced you earlier. He is the LC of the local reptiles, and happens to live in my furniture) "Yes, Renee, you are an IT when you freaking crawl up onto my leg when I am not expecting it! Get off me!"
"I don't think it is just the surprise. Baz, it sounds as if I like offend you or something. As if, like, you find me repulsive or something." "Dude!" I continued to exclaim, "Your skin is translucent and you are licking your own eyeballs!
Of course I find you repulsive. And why are you still (shake) on (vigorous shake) my (very vigorous shake) trouser leg!" I used an exclamation mark, reader, because I wasn't asking a question when I said that; I was shaking a gecko off my trouser leg. But how?:
He gave me a look that mixed pity and contempt, quietly climbed down and began to crawl across the floor back to his home under the bookshelf. "Well, I just came out to give you a message," he said haughtily.
"But if you find me repulsive, perhaps, I shouldn't bother." I sighed skywards as he retreated. "Okay, I apologise. You just caught me by surprise. You are not repulsive.
You a unique and fascinating animal is what I should have said." He was mollified by this, the pushover, and finally turned to face me. "What was this message you had for me, may I ask?" I asked.
"The local chicken are planning a mafia hit on you," he said. "I came to warn you." When I heard this, I thought to myself, "I have never done a part one, part two Bad Idea. This might be a good time to start."
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