News Flash

1. Someone might be tempted to say; "But we are already an independent country. In fact only the other day we celebrated our 46th anniversary as free and independent people. Really we did, and there was a spectacular ceremony at Kololo where the President even gave a resounding speech. If you do not believe me, go check your calendar. It says so right there and everybody knows that the 9th of October is Independence Day. Well, I tell you this brothers and sisters, there is a lot you still have to learn about independence. And that is where I come in. First the basics. Well, this independence we celebrate was in fact handed over to us on 9th October 1962 like a gift. And have you ever noticed how when somebody gives you a gift, say of a watch, they are always watching out for whether you wear it everyday? Whether you keep it clean and in top shape? Well, this gift of independence that we received was just like that watch. Turns out that the British would always be lurking in the shadows watching what exactly we did with the independence they gave us, hence why they are always trying to mingle in our politics, economy and social life. And in other unrelated news, everybody that was born on October 9th may feel free to go ahead and call themselves independence babies.

A people

2. An independent country is made up of independent people. So to truly be independent, citizens need to show great independence spirit. As true independent citizens, if you are on facebook, my space, hi-5 and many more of those social networking sites, where your sole aim is to make friends with the white people especially of the opposite sex, then you are not independent. If you have ever advertised in the classifieds that you are seeking penpals from only Europe, America and Asia and neglected to mention Africa, then you do not qualify in this category of independence. If you are single and are "looking for a tall, handsome, financially stable white man looking to settle down for a serious relationship", then my friend, your independence is non-existent. If you do not go into open chat rooms with the aim of picking up a potential rich white boyfriend/girlfriend, then you are an independent Ugandan. Moral of the story; do not be a gold digger.

Oh Uganda

3. Now what is an independent country without a national anthem? And we have it. So we qualify automatically. Not so fast. Here is a brief history. You see, the Uganda National Anthem is the most popular song in the country and has been a hot hit since 1962 when it was composed. How else would you explain how constantly it gets sung all over Uganda? It represents a whole people. It has boring lyrics, an equally boring tune, the owner has never been paid for it, but it is our national song and therefore should not be taken for granted. It is so important; in fact every time you hear it play, you are supposed to stand still, or if you are sick and can do none of these, stay still or die. Whatever happens, you have got to show some kind of respect for this song. But you will find that most people know the lyrics to Michael Jackson's 11-minute Thriller better than the national anthem, so I am going to raise the bar high for this one. If you know the words to all three stanzas of the national anthem, then you are an independent people, hence an independent nation.

To vote

4. What is life without choice? That is where voting comes in. If you live in a country where voting and elections are free and fair, where you go to the polling station and find that nobody has ticked your ballot, or that your dead grandmother did not suddenly appear from nowhere to cast a vote and disappear, where votes have never been rigged, where the incumbent steps down willingly for another person to carry the banner, where the constitution protects the rights of voters, where the electoral commission is not made up of impartial people, where you are voting for X, not because he gave you a packet of salt and a bar of soap but because he is an able leader, where the opposition are willing to accept that they lost not because votes were "stolen" but because they were not that popular after all, where a husband and wife can live in harmony even if they voted for opposing teams, where...

Independence

5. This means freedom from political control by other countries. But political control can also be exerted through economic control. If therefore foreign countries are contributing more than half of the annual national budget in aid and grants, surely they can tell you where to shove your arrogant political attitude? They can tell you to release some people from jail, to open the playing field for opposition political parties, to sign peace treaties with rebels who in all honesty deserve to die, and with that, successfully erode any form of political independence. If for example we are borrowing heavily to clean up roads, construct new ones and plant flowers along the road simply because our former colonial mistress is coming for dinner, then my friend we are not an independent country. As a people, if you are free to hold peaceful demonstrations, to join a political party of your choice, if you can freely criticise the government of the day without fear, then we shall have an independent country.