Ivan Iusoke
8 November 2008
opinion
Kampala — Kenyans got the first black US President and a public holiday, Ugandans got Morris. Yeah, Morris got dealt with by Africa on Sunday.
He took the news of his eviction ever-so-calmly and for a moment I was afraid he'd be teary-eyed when Kabelo asked him to remove his sunglasses. Yes, he wore sunglasses, South Africa has really bright nights. What it doesn't have is a bright Big Brother.
This week Biggie was on holiday and in his place was an alien called Krypto. He wasn't really a cool alien seeing as he had no superpowers and his face was all rubbery and stuff. In fact I doubt he was the real deal. Come to think of it, I doubt the whole of this week was real seeing as Krypto was supposed to learn as much as he could from the housemates. Sounds almost like that time the Finnish dude came over. We were handed a used week. Curse you Big Brother!
Also, contrary to what we are used to seeing, aliens are pretty dumb. At least this variety that thought Tawana meant God said we should be vegetarians when he said "go forth and be fruitful." He also said Ricco had an eyebrow under his chin.
And please, Winnie, do not text me and say the alien was cracking a joke. Aliens are not funny!
Krypto (my fingers feel dirty typing that) asked the Housemates to come up with a marketing gimmick that would drive intergalactic visitors to the planet. Aren't we overpopulated as it is? Anyway, Ricco and Munya figured that it should center on partying, ladies and booze. Put another way, recreate Kabalagala's night life.
Tawana cried after Morris' eviction, as did Munya, because they were oh-so-close and they would miss him. They then proceeded to have some post-eviction sex, leading many a viewer to speculate that one of them was faking it with the intention of getting some later. What really sucks is that Tawana has stopped trying to be coy. She said she wants Munya to be her date at the final evictions after party and Ricco to be her bodyguard. Ricco, that wacky Angolan that escaped the set of Baywatch to be with us, said it's not her body he will be paying attention to. Yeah, he is holding out for some Latoya. Ladies, there's a lesson to be learnt here, if you promise a guy a "night of fun" and then disappear, he will not forget it.
Thami, who is up for eviction with Hazel, let Africa know what he thinks of the remaining housemates, calling Tawana a psycho and Munya a sheep. If he was really watching the show he would have observed that Tawana is an elder and Munya is underage.
Tawana, upon finding out that Hazel has been saying stuff about her behind her back, confided in Ricco and Munya that she thinks she is "sly and foxy". Isn't that like a compliment? She also said that she is super-smart (Tawana is, not Hazel) but she has to conceal it so she can have fun. Smart people don't have fun?
Oh, wait, I almost forgot, Thami almost got some from Hazel in the middle of the week, but Hazel rescinded and said that's not what she wanted. So she gave him a kiss proving once and for all that consolation prizes suck!
Speaking of prizes, either Thami or Hazel will be leaving empty-handed this week. Who's it going to be? It's up to us. We can do this. Yes We Can.
Quote or stuff not to say when you're hoping to get laid: "Tawana I actually owe you an apology. I was just thinking, this chick is 31 years old. She's got knowledge. Do you realise that when you were nine I wasn't born yet?" -Munya.
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