Ivan Musoke
15 November 2008
opinion
Kampala — IT'S almost over. That's right. Big Brother Africa is coming to an end. It's been fun, and for some, it ended before the show came to a close.
Morris is home and as we speak so is Thami. That wacky Hyena of the South left the wacky House that Biggie built in an extravaganza filled with lights, denial (he was surprised we voted him out) and malice (Biggie played Icebox for a lonely Hazel) and the return of Krypto.
Truth be told, Krypto looks less like an alien, more like a skinny funny looking dude wearing tights. Yeah, like a lime green Cher.
Hazel had a look that suggested she wanted to do things to Tawana after she revealed that she hadn't saved her. Mean nasty things that would have gotten her arrested. Watching this, you can't help but hope that she never finds out that Thami's people were baying for blood.
After Hazel went back into the house, Munya did what he has come to do best. No, not Tawana. He cried and hugged the Malawian for what seemed to be forever. PVR decoders don't have a fast forward button so Africa had to deal with this for a while.
Then again this stunt is usually a precursor to Botswana-Zimbabwe bedroom talks. Turns out Munya told Thami that he wanted Hazel. This is a little messed up seeing as Ricco wanted Hazel as well.
Said Thami: "If you have a good quality woman, every guy will want her." If you have been following this show, you probably can't help but ask yourself which woman Thami had.
In a very strange and disturbing twist, Thami said that Hazel deserved the money. More than The Ricco of Angola?
Meanwhile, in the house, Munya was getting really close to her. Any closer and they'd have been Siamese.
This week's nomination show has got to be the most intense so far. Munya was head of house and as such nominating him was useless. Ricco nominated Hazel, which was so unexpected seeing as he had said he wanted her.
He wanted her so bad, he couldn't wait to touch her freckles. Then the twist. Munya, after wasting our time by being deep in thought, replaced Ricco with Tawana. So, the nominees are Tawana and Hazel. What makes this really cool is that Tawana is totally clueless and so she feels no need to try and win us over.
The problem is, Hazel's capacity to entertain is only surpassed by that held by two staplers trying to make out.
This week the housemates had to set the house up for a wedding that was supposed to take place yesterday in the Big Brother House and beamed across the whole continent. Ha! Beat that V&A and that other magazine. Tawana was really psyched about this task, so much so that she managed to let Africa in on her wedding plans, that involve a garden and an off-white outfit. Isn't off-white just another way of saying "faded"?
Speaking of faded, the feelings that Munya and Tawana shared seem to be a thing of the past and the only stories that the Zimbabwean seems interested in are those found between pages and not between the sheets. Ricco thought he'd have a go at Tawana who only gave him a kiss and nothing else. Well, she had said there were no two ways about it and they would share the bed. Going by the way she kicked him out of her bed, it's possible she meant it literally. That woman just doesn't know how to be clear!
So, the week in a nutshell. Hazel and Ricco are up for eviction for a few minutes. Munya holds his head for a while and the weight clouds his judgement thus leading him to save Ricco and put Tawana on the chopping block. The mother of all weddings (in the sense that it will have the biggest African audience) takes place on Saturday and the housemates are the guys planning it, which is just a shame because J-Lo is not such a bad Wedding Planner. Sure, she'll steal the groom, but that's to be expected.
Everyone in Hollywood is doing it. See Angelina Jolie. Munya and Ricco have bonded like never before, dishing out advice, dissing each other and doing things to each other's hair, the latter move making Munya look like a blonde black Sonic the Hedgehog.
The housemates made impassioned pleas with us to save them, with Ricco letting us know that money is not really a problem for him, but he deserves this money for being entertaining. Hazel has, well, been Hazel and Tawana has finally realised that Munya thinks she may be a lousy "story teller".
Big Brother Africa 3 is ending folks, this article just did.
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