Jean Sutherland
21 November 2008
column
WHY not Hazel? I mean why shouldn't Hazel win Big Brother? At first I thought it would be way weird if Hazel emerged as the ultimate winner of this year's Big Brother Africa show, now I think it would be wild, totally wild!! I'm kind of really warming to the idea.
Dayum, I think it would actually be quite cool.
Before supporters of Ricco and Munya descend on me like Pavlov's dogs, I have to say I have no vested interest in who wins.
My champions have long left the show! Hey, I have a soft spot for Ricco.
And Munya? All I'm going to say about Munya is that Munya is Munya.
I can't win when it comes to the goat rider - I fear that whatever I say I'll find myself oodled and noodled on the wrong end of a bungee-jumping rope over Victoria Falls!! You don't mess with the Munyaradzi squad, let alone try and crack a joke with or about them.
Eish! But hey y'all - one love ...
K.I.G.
HAZEL But back to Hazel.
Sjoe, what can I say? I had something of an epiphany as I lay in the dentist's chair on Wednesday morning.
Maybe it was the drugs being pumped into me, maybe it was because I had my mouth wide open like Thami.
I don't know.
But whatever the root canal cause of my Thamascus chair experience - too audacious to call it a Damascus Road experience - it struck me, like a bolt out of the blue, that maybe Hazel is the real gangster in the house! Yeah, wham, bam.
Just like that.
Look, she was never on the top of my list, but hella the woman's kept her cool, she hasn't tried to be something she's not, she's just carried on regardless.
She's Hazel after all! And she never let the self-proclaimed gangsters get the upper hand when it came to protecting her turf.
ENTERTAINERS To those saying she can't win, yes she can! Whether she will or not is another thing.
But aitsa, there's sure something of a Hazel insurgency going on and it's got Munya and Ricco fans in a stew.
Views on the BBA text strip are simmering like a hot goulash in winter! Munya and Ricco fans are up in arms that anyone can even dare think of voting for Hazel, the audacity of it! But why shouldn't she win? Why the freaking heck not? No one housemate really deserves it more than any other.
At the end of the day all of them are subject to the whims and fiemies of the BBA viewing public, who can be this way one week and that way the next.
Or as they say on 'Project Runway', one week you're in and one week you're out.
And don't try and sell me the 'she's not an entertainer' argument! I'm not buying it.
You, yes you and you and YOU - you know who you are - voted out my entertainers at the beginning - Uti, Lucille, Sheila and Mimi.
So, no buy-in from me.
One person's reality is another person's entertainment, or should it be vice versa, or versa vice.
You know what I mean! Micco didn't entertain me more than Hazel.
Now if we were talking about Mimzo deeva, it would be a different story!! BOOM TIME If Munya or Ricco win we could have a baby boom, but if Hazel wins.
who knows ...
we might just have a continent wide celebrity boom! Can't you just see it - Hazel and Jamie Oliver doing a book together, Hazel starring in an African segment on the Martha Stewart show, a global Hazel and Nigella franchise ...
There'd be self-help books galore.
Ya'know, 'Hazel and The Zen of Big Brother', 'How To Boil It Gangsta', 'The Art of Love and War in the Time of Munya and Ricco', 'Me and The Tand Muis', 'How To Really Get Your Goat On', 'Two-minute Noodles And More' ...
Or even an album, 'Hazel Fierce'!! Or how about a 'Crazy Hazy' fashion line? Imagine a future headline in the entertainment section of any given newspaper, 'Hazel Warren's new show, 'Top Chef', beats out Big Brother to take the top reality show ranking'.
Anyways ...
enjoy the countdown! Vote your favourite, live the tension: will the politics of change carry the day? Will the undecided voters sway the vote, will Ricco's female base carry him over the line, can Munya talk his way to the top, or ...
will Hazel cause the coolest upset yet - now that would be audacious! Way audacious.
We'll know on Sunday.
Best of luck to all of you and whoever you're voting for.
Keep it big.
Good night my darlings, I'll see you! Mwah ...
* Stay tuned to Channel 198.
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