BuaNews (Tshwane)
Gabi Khumalo
10 December 2008
Thanks to the Ikhaya Lethemba (Home of Hope) Centre, Sheila Nxumalo, 43, and her four children are now in a safe place and can finally put the four years of abuse they endured behind them.
Ms Nxumalo is among the 141 abused women housed at the Ikhaya Lethemba shelter in Braamfontein with their dependent children.
The centre, which offers residential facilities for abused women and children in need, provides holistic and integrated services for survivors of violence.
Like most women, Ms Nxumalo was reluctant to leave her husband because of her children and had no place to go to as she didn't earn much as a domestic worker.
She said she never saw the signs of abuse in her husband, who was a sweet, loving and carrying person - until four years ago.
"He started beating me for no good reason for example, when I questioned him about his whereabouts. Things became worse when his sister moved in with us as she was a bad influence and always reminded him that my first two kids were not his.
"He stopped eating the food I cooked but ate when his sister cooked. When I brought the matter to my in-laws, he would then apologise, but the beatings continued as soon as they left the house," Ms Nxumalo told BuaNews.
She said the situation had affected the children as they would avoid coming home to an abusive environment. Ms Nxumalo's daughter was almost killed in a car accident after attending a friend's party without their knowledge.
Her daughter was almost unable to write her Grade 12 exams after being hospitalised for a month.
"My husband was not sympathetic and told my daughter she would be nothing - just like me."
At the same time Ms Nxumalo was receiving reports from school about her son's bad behaviour. The school was threatening to expel him and his marks had dropped.
Her friend referred her to a social worker and she ended up at Ikhaya Lethemba centre, which Ms Mxumalo said saved her.
Since arriving at the shelter, she is at peace and through the centre's support she has managed to divorce her husband as well as get maintenance for her two children.
"I was always crying before, but now the only tears I'm shedding are tears of joy. My kids are very happy and when I leave the shelter, I will be a strong person armed with survival skills.
"I'll never go back to him no matter how much he begs me, I know he will never change," an optimistic Ms Nxumalo told BuaNews.
Another victim at the shelter, Jackie Smith, 35, who arrived at the centre in January told BuaNews that although the beatings started before she and her husband were married, she had hoped that things would change. It was soon after her wedding that she realised that day would never come.
When Ms Smith, who has six children, first came to the centre she was not ready to let go of her husband and not sure whether she wanted a divorce.
However, after spending almost a year at the centre, she now feels that she is strong enough to leave him. Ms Smith will be leaving the shelter soon.
"Counselling is very important, it helped me build my self esteem and healed me, by the time victims leave this place, they are prepared to face the world," said Ms Smith, who urged women who were married to abusive partners to report the abuse.
"Don't be like us and wait until it's too late. We kept hoping even in a hopeless situation, but the more you stay with them, you have a greater chance of losing your life."
She said one had to be conscious of the affects on the children. "The trauma stays with them until they grow up and affects their relationships as well."
Ikhaya Lethemba has been operating since 2003 but officially opened by Provincial Community Safety Department in 2006 to offer shelter for abused women and children.
Their services include counselling, legal advice, medical services, forensic evidence collection, policing and evidence collection, prosecutorial services and skills training.
Ikhaya Lethemba Residential Service Programme Manager, Conny Ramathibela said the opening of the shelter was influenced by policy development implementation and integrated quality service assurance from the Victim Charter.
The Victims Charter, which was launched during last year's 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women campaign, aims to educate victims about their rights and ensure they demand the correct handling when reporting abuse.
The centre receives victims through referrals from the South African Police Service (SAPS), via Victim Empowerment Centres at police stations and social workers.
"The SAPS Family Violence Unit track cases and liaise with investigating officers. Nicro handles intake services, the teddy bear clinic renderes group therapy for kids and B Court Wise assists in providing support and preparing children for court appearances," Ms Ramathibela explained to BuaNews.
There is also a creche where women leave their children when attending court cases.
The shelter also offers life skills and victims can complete a three-week training in either nail therapy, computers, child minding, catering or laundry.
Some of the women are able to get employment through the centre's service providers after completing the course and receiving certificates.
Ms Ramathibela said although the maximum stay is six months, if they realise that the victim is not ready to leave, they are able to extend the time to nine months.
The opening of the facility was made possible by various organisations including Eskom which donated a building and Vodacom Foundation's R1.6 million for furniture and much needed resources. Other government departments offering assistance include Social Development, NPA, Health, Education and Community Safety.
Trauma Counsellor, Zeenith Domingo said out of 20 women who are victims of gender based violence, only four receive counselling since it is not compulsory.
"It is difficult to open up to a stranger or maybe they don't think it will work," Ms Domingo told BuaNews emphasising that it was important for children to get counselling and deal with the trauma.
"If they don't deal with it and get counselling, they block it up and it all comes back when they are older and history repeats itself," Ms Domingo warned.
The 16 Days of Activism campaign will end at an event in Queentown on Wednesday, where the President is expected to address community members.
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