Published by the government of Zimbabwe
Rosenthal Mutakati
20 June 2009
analysis
Harare — NO battle, not even the deadly Chinhoyi combat which signalled the beginning of the Second Chimurenga which brought independence to Zimbabwe, matches the fierce fights millions of men the world over are enduring under the roofs they call homes.
In this writer's opinion, men actually deserve an accolade for battling to keep those homes running and even surviving under the most difficult of circumstances.
It is through men's sacrifices - and I stand to be corrected - that women hop and go about being called "amai nhingi" (mother of so-and-so).
We make them the vessels of honour they wish and want to be, but the cruel reward you get ranges from verbal abuse, economic strangulation, to anything debasing they are able to do to you.
To borrow an overused and polluted chauvinistic statement: "Life without a woman is very dark, but with her it becomes even darker."
Given a chance, most men might opt to recoil into bachelorhood, where their financial, social and even emotional freedom is guaranteed. Granted, it's not a one-size-fits-all scenario but marriage has generally become a suffocating bunker most men would wish to quickly run away from.
As I commit pen to paper, there are millions of well-heeled men who have evolved into big curses for barmen who have to drag them out of bars in the dead of night because they do not want to go home.
It is not unusual to find an old gentleman with a PHD (poor hair distribution) ensconced on a barstool on a very cold evening, trying to dance to music suitable for young people, simply because they do not want to go home.
Some end up exhibiting behaviour not really expected or people of their age, that they leave other liberty takers questioning why they do not buy a few bottles to imbibe in the comfort of their homes.
No matter that the barman is unpleasant, or often conveniently forgets to give them back the change, some men will just never go home on time.
Gentle reader, you really wonder what will be going on because some men are married to velvet-skinned women, goddesses of beauty, if not earthen angels, to put it bluntly.
A good number of men were very lucky to pick in marriage women gifted with sweet voices and intricate culinary skills. But still more they run away and choose to eat half-cooked dishes served under the Musawu tree by food vendors in the ghettos.
Hama we-ee imba inonetsa,
Hama we-ee imba inoshupa,
Ndaiti kunyepa sekuru vachitaura,
Mutauro hauperi,
Ndazozvionera shuwa, shamwari,
Mutauro hauperi,
Kana mumba musina mari,
Mutauro hauperi.
So sang the talented lead guitarist, Eddias Makore popularly known as Solo Makore and the Fogo Fire.
True to this sungura outfit's observations, everything in marriage seems to revolve around money.
You are a darling if you have lots of cash and constantly shower your wife with it.
But the moment your pocket begins showing signs of stress, you become an enemy and can be so lucky not to be branded a witch (muroyi), a cruel lover or a DC, ghetto lingo for a person with an "I don't care" attitude.
There are some non-drinkers who spend time, or even the whole night, in pubs. Not that they enjoy the atmosphere; the blokes dread staying in the comfort of their homes because the woman is usually squealing about cash.
You bury your head in your hands in shame if you see how some men are treated by their spouses.
They are literally taken for doormats that even my punches itch each time I think the same could happen to me. Varume vanotukwa sembwa ivavo zvekuti zvikaitika kwandiri panofa munhu. (I can kill someone if the same happens to me).
Gentle reader, there is a significant number of men whose wives are kissed by other men in their presence and no matter how tormenting this can be, they never voice concern for fear of the cougar.
At one point, I thought my cousin was very inconsiderate. He spent well over five years without paying his parents a visit at the rural home kumapfanya.
I offered him a free ride to his rural home and he pleasantly accepted. But when I went to pick him up the following morning, he was singing a different tune.
"Enda zvako, mushoma, pane zvandibata (You can go, young man, I have a commitment," he told me.
I later learnt from those in the know that the bloke was under a petticoat government under which all the money he spends has to be approved by "Her Highness".
Each time my cousin asked to go to the rural home, he in turn was quizzed whether he had finished with all the city's bills to afford the luxury of splashing money on people who do not pay rent and drink free water from a well.
"Mukadzi wacho haaite. Anotobvunza kuti kumusha kwacho hakungauye here kuHarare kuno or there will be no visit. He is living in hell on earth," the bloke's sister told me, on the verge of tears.
Gentle reader, it's even worse for some guys whose spouses lock them outside for coming home at least 30 minutes later than usual.
The blokes, this writer heard, are exposed to serious checks all over to establish whether or not they had been "playing" with other ladies.
Some women also reportedly enjoy harassing their husbands in public.
These are the kind of women who visit the workplace to dress down their husbands and tell whoever cares to listen the kind of "rogue" they have for a workmate.
Some women deny their husbands conjugal rights for the simple reason that they were not bought a new dress.
Others go to the extent of lending their husbands' earnings to their relatives as if their spouses have no right to spend the money they sweat for.
As a result, some men are the BSAP type, the broke-soon-after-pay fellows who never have enough to buy their own beer, despite commanding influential posts at their places of employment.
Gentle reader, life is a matter of choices: weighing options before committing oneself is not a bad idea.
Read comments. Write your own.
Copyright © 2009 The Herald. All rights reserved. Distributed by AllAfrica Global Media (allAfrica.com). To contact the copyright holder directly for corrections — or for permission to republish or make other authorized use of this material, click here.
AllAfrica aggregates and indexes content from over 125 African news organizations, plus more than 200 other sources, who are responsible for their own reporting and views. Articles and commentaries that identify allAfrica.com as the publisher are produced or commissioned by AllAfrica.
so wat becomes of a women if all this is true to all men