Pinehas Aluteni
8 July 2009
opinion
I wish to respond to the article by Mr Salomo Mushinga that appeared in New Era of 26 June 2006 entitled as above on the complex issue of gender equality.
The views being advanced by Mr Mushinga are interesting especially if one does not read the article to the end. I think that it is generally one of those papers if it was for marking, the teacher would decide to award an 80 - 85% mark just to change their mind when they finish reading and eventually award a 5% only.
It seems Mr Mushinga got carried away by his own thinking and drifted away from what was essentially an excellent article.
I wish to point out where I have a problem with some of his arguments starting from "The Beauty of the Dualist Woman".
First, in typical "Born Again" style, religion was chipped into the argument just out of the blue. For a woman to acknowledge and respect her husband needs not necessarily be Christian. Non-Christian societies also have those values, which are underpinned by the emotions of love, cultural upbringings and traditions.
What determines harmony in a marriage relationship are first and foremost love, respect and then understanding and acceptance of each other by the two spouses. Changing or not changing of surnames is immaterial here, which takes me to my second problem.
The second problem I have with Mr Mushinga's analysis is the question of surnames. He boldly states, "a dualist woman (the one who expects gender equality only outside her house) does not carry two surnames". He continues, "when she leaves the home of her biological father, she also leaves that surname behind, because she will adopt the surname of her husband who is now her new father".
He questions where the custom of carrying two surnames comes from. I personally do not know where it came from. What I do know is only that even the adoption by a woman of her husband's surname is foreign to my culture. By the way, I an Oshiwambo speaking. My mother never carried my father's surname but that does not imply any disrespect for her husband. It simply did not exist. It is a recent development.
Indeed, the whole concept of surname as we know it today did not exist in Oshiwambo culture until recently. As children, we carried our fathers' first names not those of our grandfathers and great grandfathers, as is the case today.
For example Nendongo lyaTshatimwene means that Nendongo's father's first name is Tshatimwene. Women carried their fathers' first names even after marriage.
And again, that does not imply any disrespect for their husbands whatsoever. The concept of surname whereby I carry my grandfather's name and my children and the children of my sons also carry my grandfather's name as their surname, is un-Oshiwambo and at times it confuses the identities of the children.
Furthermore, for an Oshiwambo woman to call her husband "father" is normal especially in front of their young children and husbands also do the same because you do not tell your two year-old son or daughter, "go to Maria in the kitchen" if Maria is your wife and their mother. This is a matter of educating children so that they grow up with manners knowing that this one we call mother and this one we call father and not simply Salomo, as in some cultures.
Whether when a wife calls her husband "father" is a sign of respect and submissiveness is open for debate. I have come across ladies who never call their husbands by name.
Even when they are insulting them, they still refer to them as "father". I have also met lovely ladies who call their husbands by their names but you can really see a wonderful couple.
In addition, whether the adoption of the husband's surname denotes gender equality or lack thereof depends on one's perception. It could easily be interpreted as a sign of gender inequality.
I have come across some cultures where both husband and wife adopt each other's surnames at marriage or a child carries both father and mother's surnames. One might have come across such names as Vanessa Ortega-Fernandez (wife). Then the husband is again Antonio Ortega-Fernandez and the child is Patricio Ortega-Fernandez. Ortega-Fernandez is the combined surnames of the parents. That could perhaps be gender equality but again it is foreign to my culture and may be considered an insult.
I understand that some of the women who prefer to keep their surnames while adopting those of their husbands simultaneously, do so for professional reasons. The well-educated as referred to by Mr Mushinga have their maiden names on all their professional documents, degrees including their PhDs.
For example, the papers carry "Dr Hileni Aluteni". Now, after marriage she is known as Dr Hileni Mushinga. Who will know that the two names refer to one and the same person?
In such circumstances, they then improvised the combination, Dr Hileni Aluteni-Mushinga to avoid a lot of questions as to whether they are the authentic owners of the papers.
Of course others may do it just as a fashion and perhaps with sinister motives.
Finally, on the different domestic roles for husband and wife, Mr Mushinga refers to "the wealthy, well-educated and powerful women whom many men are afraid to marry". These women, unlike our mothers, go to work outside the house just like some of the men do. I say some because I know men who have no work outside the house, that is, they are either unemployed or they are not interested but they still believe they have no role inside the house even when they have none outside it as well.
This is the man Mr Mushinga refers to as having been "left lonely and powerless, basically deprived of the proper care he deserves as husband and surrounded by countless domestic chores because his spouse is no longer only a wife, but a mother and a career woman".
They refuse even to go and purchase bread at the shop in the neighbourhood except their own liquor. The working lady should come from work to clean the house, prepare the meals and go to buy bread and milk for tomorrow's breakfast. In other words, she should provide him with "the care he deserves as husband?"
The question is: What does he give in return? Does she also not deserve any proper care as a wife? That situation to me is exploitation and abuse and has nothing to do with respect.
In the final analysis, the entire article started off well on a very complex subject of gender equality. However, as I said before, somewhere the author got carried away by his own thinking and drifted right and left in other issues that eventually diminished the value of an otherwise good article.
I hope that some ladies will carry the debate ahead.
Pinehas Aluteni works for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. He is currently based at the Permanent Mission of Namibia to the United Nations in New York. He holds a BA (Hons.) in Politics, Social Policy and Social Administration and a Master's in Diplomacy, both from the University of Lancaster, United Kingdom. The views expressed here are entirely his and have nothing whatsoever to do with his employment.
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