Abuja — Malam Musa hails from Zaria in Kaduna State. He is married with six children. He occupies a room in a 3-bedroom house his three friends and him rent at N700, 000 at Kubwa in the Federal Capital Territory, leaving his entire family in Kaduna.

When he transferred his service to Abuja in 2005, he arrived in the federal capital city with a plan to rent a house and relocate the family to the city. A few months after his arrival, he had to "drop the plan for good," especially after being severely scared by the rampant demolitions and the high cost of living, robbing most residents of the affordability to live with their whole families with the comfort they require."

He rents a 3-bedroom house at Unguwar Dosa in Kaduna metropolis at N120, 000 per annum,and pays about N180, 000 for the room he occupies in the N700, 000-rent house in Kubwa.

Malam Musa, therefore, runs two houses. His entire family occupies a house in Kaduna and he occupies a one-bedroom house here in Abuja. This is for several reasons often throwing him at sea over which should be more seemly for him to do under the prevailing circumstances - maintaining the Kaduna house and leaving the family there, while he remains here for as long as he works here, or gather resources, at whatever costs, to relocate the family here to live with him.

Whichever he chooses between these two has its consequences, which he is not prepared to bear under the prevailing circumstances of working in Abuja, over 200 kilometers away from his family.

In Nigeria, for example, at the national level, a worker or trader could run two houses, one in, say, Lagos, Kano, Kaduna or Jos, where he leaves his family, and one in Abuja, where he works or conducts his trade.He will, for example say: "I work/trade in Abuja and live in Lagos." At the state level, for example, in Kaduna State, he could run a house for his family in Soba, but work in Kaduna city, where he could also rent or own a house, no matter the number of rooms.

However, this arrangement is not as largely adopted at the local government area level as it is in the two higher levels because of the very short distances among most communities in the local areas, where most workers and traders conveniently maintain a house.

Most reasons given for people adopting this arrangement are common. Although, on the basis of financial status, they differ sharply between the rich and the poor. They are all based on the prevailing situations and realities, from which the choices emanate.

"I have my own reasons for maintaining this arrangement and, for me; they are justified, because they are strictly based on the realities of what I can afford and, also to some extent, my plan for the future of my children," Malam Musa Ibrahim begins to explain his reasons.

"With my current salary, if I were working in Kaduna, I would be a king, but here, I am virtually a pauper," he continued, explaining, "In Kaduna, I have a whole 3-bedroom with sufficient space in a neat and secure environment at N120, 000. Here I manage a room, and it is a smaller room than any of the two in my Kaduna house, at almost twice that amount."

He quickly continued: "I know you will be tempted to ask me why I cannot rent a 2-bedroom house at N300, 000 and relocate the family here. The kind of at least 2-bedroom house I will require, health, security and accessibility-to-other-necessities-of-life, will need nothing less than N600, 000 to rent.If you are lucky to get someone to rent his house, I mean the kind of house I need for the proper maintenance of my family, at this amount, he will expect you to remain ever grateful to him. Don't forget that you will have to pay two years rent at the initial stage of the contract, which amounts to N1.2 million. This amount is minus the commission and other needs of agents and the cost of utilities. You know this yourself that at the current housing accommodation in, at least, the fairly sane locations in Abuja. Only a very kind person can do this to you. Where can you find this kind of person?"

According to Malam Musa, "Raising this amount, that is if I am lucky to do so, will mean I may end my working career raising just enough money to pay rent every year, when with a little more than the N1.2 million I can build a fairly good-looking house to accommodate my family in Makarfi, Giwa or any local government headquarters in Kaduna. Even if it is not as beautiful as the one I may be lucky to rent here."

He challenged: "So, I put the choice before you. If it were you, would you adopt an arrangement that would pull you through to the end of your career just being able to pay rent for a barely comfortable house, without any future accommodation security for your family, at least in your home base, or will you adopt a measure that secures that future for you?"

The weekend husband (this is how people leaving their families in other towns to live alone in Abuja, and go to their families only on weekends, humorously call themselves) said he is about completing the construction of his own house in Anguwar Dosa, stating: "when I weighed the pros and cons and compared costs, I settled for running a house in Kaduna and a 'house' in Abuja. For me, considering my current realities and my future plans, this arrangement is more affordable for me, even though it means having a fairly separate budget for running each house in terms of feeding, toiletries and even medical care."

Has his wife granted him concessions with regard to fulfilling solemn marital requirements, and parental affection to the children?

"My family and I trust and understand each other in terms of the current realities and our future focus. My wife has granted me concessions on some marital requirements, which I meet on weekends. We call ourselves weekend husbands. I find it very easy to go on weekends. I believe every weekend I relate with my children sufficiently well to maintain the required affection. I can tell you that it is much cheaper for me to sponsor their education in Kaduna, especially considering proper character training," he explained.

"Look! We all know that it is naturally better for everyone to stay with his family, but prevailing realities compel you to adopt a different arrangement. This is also natural, because adjusting to what you feel you must do or you want to do is also natural," Malam Musa argued.

"I work in Abuja and live in Lagos," Wale Hakeem stated boldly, saying, "I will depart from the conventional reasons of high cost of living. Wherever you are - in Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Calabar, Sokoto or Maiduguri, there are always reasons of comfort, convenience and affordability you will advance, to try to justify why you run houses at separate locations at the same time. This is an age-old practice in human habitation. Mine is interestingly out of sheer emotional attachment to Lagos, helped by the fact that my wife runs a well-established provisions store in Shogunle. The point is: home is where the heart is. My heart is in Lagos. That is why I can afford to maintain a house in Lagos, while I am in my own house here."

He admitted: "This could mean an extra drain on my resources, but I regard the emotional satisfaction I derive from this arrangement as comparatively more comforting. I go to Lagos most times fortnightly or every month end. My wife also visits me for some days, especially if my two children are on holidays. Both parties have willfully approved this arrangement, although we painfully forgo a lot of goodies we would have been deriving from each other if we were living together."

Wale continued: "This apart, I must tell you that by operating a house away from your family, you are evading some natural requirements. Your wife will always be longing to see you, and many weekends or month ends mean a small honey moon, because you have not seen each other for some time. But this is not a very natural requirement, because you are, most times, strangers to each other on a few vital things in the matrimonial life. What is natural in the life of matrimony is not a continuous honeymoon. If you were staying together, you would have been quarrelling or fighting regularly. But this is the natural course of marital life. It readjusts and refines affection, because it facilitates more intimate understanding. If you are away for some time, each of you at your respective ends may naturally be tempted by the desire of the flesh to seek a temporary unlawful partner. Can you imagine your wife having an unlawful affair with another man? It will also be most traumatic for her to imagine you having an unlawful affair with another woman. This is just at the level of you adults, the husband and the wife. Look at the children. You are always a stranger to them."

According to him, "the point is the socio-emotional cost of this arrangement is heavy indeed. Unless if you cannot afford satisfying vital requirements of being together in one house, that is, wherever you go, you carry them along with you, there is no basis for you to compromise staying together. You must be with your family to monitor proper maintenance of the home and the upbringing of the children, under normal circumstances, because it is one of the most vital duties."

Aminu Ibrahim's family resides in a 2-bedroom house in Kaduna, but he occupies a room he rented at Mpape at N48, 000. He severely regrets this arrangement, especially because of the fact that his wife has been ailing for the past three weeks. Aminu relocated from Kaduna to Abuja two years ago.

"My wife is working in Kaduna, but if I have the wherewithal, I will rent a 2-bedroom house and relocate the family here in no time. Under normal circumstances, for whatever reason, it is not advisable at all for anyone to live separately with his family," he maintained.

"For the past several weeks, my wife has been ailing, to the extent that a few days ago, the doctor called me and told me that she wants me beside her, and it is very important that I relocate the family to where I stay. I agree with him, because I am getting very worried myself. Going on weekends is a drain on my resources," Aminu complained.

He lamented: "I am already a stranger to my children. They don't see me as often as they need, and most times I see them in the photos I saved on my laptop. There is no convenience in staying apart or maintaining two separate houses, as you call it."

For Abdullahi Usman, a trader in Wuse market, the husband and the family staying in separate towns in the arrangement of maintaining two houses, or for the husband to carry the family wherever he goes, especially to such locations with high cost of living like the cities, is essentially a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea.

According to him: "Many of us traders, especially those from the Northern states, prefer leaving their families in their respective native towns and villages, because it is cheaper for them to do so in the prevailing realities of staying in Abuja.This can also be the case in any other city like Port Harcourt or Lagos, where I stayed before. You have two wives with seven or ten children. Where can you find the money to rent the kind of house you need to accommodate them comfortably here? You are not a big business man, and months ago, just one room in some houses behind Peace Park in Utako here was rented at N250, 000, and you must pay for two years, excluding utilities and other requirements. This is only in terms of accommodation. Running the family in terms of all other requirements decently and comfortably, is virtually beyond the ability of most residents. This problem is all pervasive. Don't blame living in Abuja alone."

He explained: "Apart from our fellow traders who hail from the South, most of whom may be necessitated by the long distance to relocate their families to where they stay, even if they will lack the required basic comfort. This is why you see most living in squalid locations here from Gwagwalada to Bwari, Zuba, Karmo to Nyanya, Maraba and Masaka. Most of us maintain two houses, one for your family in your hometown or somewhere else and another, which is you, wherever you stay, even if it is a batcher, in Abuja. Married itinerant traders form the larger population of this category."

According to Abdullahi, "those of us who have two wives and can't afford building any accommodation of the barest comfort in satellite towns like Dei-Dei, but can afford renting a fairly good accommodation, can be swapping the wives. One will come and stay with him for an arranged period. Then it will be the turn of her co-wife. Otherwise, many traders will stay here for months, conducting trade and making gains. Then they will go home and stay for months, where they will spend everything. Then they will return here to start afresh. This means, they have virtually made no gains in their trading, because nothing is left with them when they return here. Even big traders suffer heavy drain on their capital if they stay far away from their families."