Nairobi — South African President Jacob Zuma certainly has a capacity for, to put it mildly, provocation. I long ago came to the conclusion that a discussion of any potential merits and demerits of his Presidency is best done only with colleagues and friends whom I can afford to violently disagree. Now it seems that the divisiveness his political person evokes extends to his social person as well.

Kenyan radio talk shows have been agog with his recent and upcoming marriages. The male radio presenters sound, I have to say, slightly envious of the fact that he can be so openly and unapologetically polygamous - hinting at the difference between the ways social norms have evolved here as opposed to South Africa. Our own President, as we all vividly recall, has had to break his characteristic silence twice to proclaim his adherence to the Catholic faith and his having only one wife and one family ... whatever.

So yes, I suppose that Zuma's honesty is slightly refreshing compared to our hypocrisy. All of us personally know at least one Kenyan woman who believed herself to be the only lawful wife of a Kenyan man, and who only found out that was not the case upon his death. Death here has the propensity for the sudden release into the light of other common law or customary 'wives' and the slew of children that tend to accompany them, setting the stage for not just pain at the humiliation and the realisation of the lie that is the lawful marriage way, but also for interminably drawn-out legal battles over inheritance and property.

Not all Kenyan men are cowardly and deceitful though - and these belong to the camp openly cheering for Zuma. All of us also personally know at least one Kenyan woman who has not had to wait for her lawful husband's death to discover the extent of his philandering and other progeny. She has been respected enough to be 'informed,' quite matter-of-factly, of other 'wives" existence. And her children have been, equally unceremoniously, 'informed' of their other siblings' existence. All are expected to simply deal with it.

It is to provide some protection against - and remedies for - these that a key proposal for reform of our marriage laws has always included two requirements. First, that all forms of marriage be registered under one common marriage registry. The idea being here that any woman, all starry-eyed with love, will at least be sensible enough to pay attention to the results of the searches through that marriage registry before her own nuptials, and be aware of whether or not she is entering a polygamous situation. And, second, that marriages across different forms of unions be prohibited, so that women realise that contracting a customary or Islamic marriage as opposed to a Christian or civil law marriage essentially leaves the door open for a potentially polygamous situation.

The slight envy present in the Kenyan male presenters' discussion of Zuma's polygamy, I presume, is because they are all thinking, longingly, of sexual choice within marriage. We all get bored after all. But, to my mind, sexual boredom is preferable to the kinds of drama that can ensue when money is involved. Quite apart, of course, from the even more obvious fact that women can get sexually bored too - and polyandry is not even on the table for discussion.

Ms Wanyeki is the Executive Director, Kenya Human Rights Commission (KHRC)