Dar Es Salaam — IN a society that is still attached to customs and traditions, no one has ever spoken so openly about sexuality and relationships than one Ms Getrude Mungai. She is a sexologist but likes to be called a motivational speaker on sex and relationships to those who easily misunderstand the former.

Sexology is a systematic study to sexuality. For those who are married or about to get married, the word 'kitchen party' is not new to them. This is party done before marriage to teach the would-be wives how to handle their home affairs.

They are imparted with the knowledge concerning sex, sexuality and gender relations. It has evolved with time from initiation ceremony (unyago) that is believed was brought to the East African coast by female slaves.

Gradually, however, it was adopted by freeborn women, who presumably found knowledge about sexuality and living peacefully with a man important for their daughters to have.

Initially it was conducted in doors by special persons known as Kungwi (sex aunties) but with changes in time and scarcity of space, it is now done in halls and the content has been reduced immensely.

It is more of a session to get domestic utensils than a knowledge sharing one. Freeborn coastal women of the highest class and social rank, however, did not participate in unyago. The sexual purity and restraint of elite women was considered a defining mark of their social status.

The emphasis on female sexuality and sexual pleasure that were key elements of unyago were therefore considered inappropriate for young women of the elite classes.

The shadows of western education and career build-ups by modern women have engulfed their sexual relationships and as a result many marriages are on the brink of collapse with others broken already.

This is where Ms Mungai comes in to rescue the situation. She says what she teaches more than what the sex aunties do, more than the ordinary kitchen parties offer.

"Mine is a combination of many things; I teach married women to be better mothers, lovers and 'whores' (to their husbands). I also prepare young ladies for marriage on how to handle their husbands both in and out of the bedroom.

Together with my husband we conduct seminars for married couples that need to rejuvenate and spice up their marriages".

Ms Mungai insists that like all things in life, sex in marriage should also be spiced up from time to time to avoid monotony and subsequently infidelity.

Those boundaries are essential and that couples must return to the basics - that sex should be between a husband and wife and no third party or more for that matter should be allowed in.

According to her, at the Sex and Intimacy seminars for women they discuss a wide range of challenges that the modern busy career woman face.

They talk on issues like communication (with the husband), finances, In-laws, personal and bedroom hygiene, foreplay, seduction, sex positions, the sex contract, multiple orgasms and finally the love making ceremony.

"As far as bridal showers are concerned, I teach the young ladies on the role of a modern wife." She teaches them what it takes to have a happy and healthy married life, emotionally and physically.

"I enlighten them on the possible challenges that all new marriages face for example, communication, mismatched sex drive, premature ejaculation and the male ego among many other topics."

When you listen to her teachings, you will be amazed by the level of knowledge she has on the subject despite her age.

Ms Mungai boasts of her sexual-knowledge rich background. She says I was born and raised at the Kenyan coast; I am privileged to belong to the Mijikenda sub tribe that prepares their girls from puberty on the realities of sex and intimacy in marriage.

I have a wealth of African traditional knowledge from various tribe and communities in East Africa. I have also travelled extensively and learnt from the Indians the art of Kama sutra and the secret of the Middle East from a Harlem trainer"

She also belongs to a network of sexologists and constantly keeps abreast on developments in the sex and intimacy market and reads widely on the western sex therapy.

With knowledge from the Western, Eastern, local as well as experiences and practical experiments in her own marriage, the end product is customized and tailor made for our modern African society.

"Some people say I teach women to be promiscuous but it's exactly the opposite. You see, I'm married for 11 years now and have two children.

Sometime I receive visitors (pastors and the like) who come to my home just to investigate how I live; whether I practise what I preach and they leave amazed", she tells.

Her biggest concern right now is the career woman. She says majority of career women give a lot to their careers than their families. Some do not cook for their husbands under the reason that they both work and come home late.

"This is not right. You see, no matter what we do, a man should always remain the head of the family. What I teach is for everyone to take his/her position in the family.

Teaching this subject wouldn't have been easy for me if I did not get 100 per cent of his support. I involve him in every decision I take and he usually travels with me and we teach together."

She says it doesn't matter how busy you are, spending some quality time with your husband, family, is of utmost importance. "You don't leave your home for a house help to run."

According to her, there is no formula to a marriage -everything is unique. "We have our own shares of quarrels but believe me; I have the best marriage ever."

She insists that it's essential to talk about everything and adds that there is always a solution to every problem though others take time. "Every good marriage has a problem."

For her, she does this for passion though she is now an entrepreneur. Professionally she is a secretary but occasionally trains others on Information Technology.

She is a result- oriented person who is out there to strike a balance between careers and being wives. She did secretarial because her father wanted her to do it but quit after six months.

She stayed at home for a year while nursing her first son but because she hates being lazy, she started some catering services for those women who were busy and thus couldn't organize small functions like birthdays.

"One day I was invited to this bridal shower as a caterer in Nairobi. While serving the food I was also listening to the advices and teachings these women were giving to the bride. It was different from what I was given back home in Mombasa.

It was totally negative and I felt the urge to say something." "They gave me a chance and before they knew it everyone was listening to me, they even offered to help serving food while I was talking. The next bridal shower, they didn't invite me for catering only.

They wanted me to talk and they offered money as well and that's how the whole thing started, the rest is history. She parts way by saying, "let's embrace the changes and work hard to make each other comfortable."