"You can tell me anything." That's what a woman will tell you. By 'anything', she means you can tell her what you really think of the atrocious new hairstyle that she is super excited about. Or that you hate those girls of hers who constantly drag her out on drunken late nighters.

Or that you ran into your ex and she looked like sunrise in the Mara. Or that perhaps, it's not the clothes that are the problem, it's her waistline.

But only truly foolish and reckless men will take that bait "tell me anything" bait. Hell, you might as well shoot yourself in the right leg with a poisoned arrow; trust me, it will be less painful. Self-censorship is virtuous.

I have a friend who is now struggling with how to tell his woman that he doesn't want her to move in with him. He doesn't even know how they got to the point where they are even discussing it. One morning she was asking, "Do you think we are closer now than when we started out a year ago?" and he was enthusiastically saying, "Oh yes, definitely. I love spending time with you."

"I bet if we lived together you would get bored of me," she added craftily. This is the point at which he should have excused himself and gone to the bathroom. Instead, he walked right into it. He said: "Of course not. Never." And so here we are.

He has hinted many times that when he said he wouldn't get bored with her, he didn't mean he wanted her to drag in her monstrous shoe-rack into his house. He was only having light pillow talk on a sunny Saturday afternoon like all grown-ups do once in a while. But those hints have fallen on deaf ears.

I read a study that explained why men generally aren't drawn to talking. It said that men use language to "establish difference, separateness and independence," while women do the exact opposite; women talk to connect.

Talking straight has its merits and demerits, but sometimes it's hard to shoot from the hip. Below are some things that we say that we wish someone would decipher for women.

She: How do you like my new hairstyle?

He: It's, uhm, different.

Meaning: It's dreadful. Makes your forehead look like a helipad.

He: You are a really good person.

Meaning: You are not my type.

He: I might not be available on Saturday; I will let you know before then.

Meaning: I'm keeping my options open.

He: I didn't know you smoke weed.

Meaning: What the hell!?

He: I don't know what I want with my life now.

Meaning: I don't want you.

He: It's not you. It's me.

Meaning: It's you.

He: I just want to spend a quiet night in.

Meaning: Without you.

He: So you said you have been with how many guys?

Meaning: How loose are you?

He: I need some space.

Meaning: I want to end this, but I haven't worked up the spine.

He: Do you come here often?

Meaning: You are pretty and I don't know what to say that won't put my foot in my mouth.

He: I don't want to talk about it now.

Meaning: I don't know what to say.

He: Sorry I haven't called you lately; it's been so busy.

Meaning: I'm not so keen.

He: Uhm, yes, you have lost a little weight.

Meaning: No you haven't lost any, please keep at it.

He: Isn't that dress a bit too short?

Meaning: You can't possibly be thinking of leaving the house in that loincloth!

He: I didn't notice what she looked like.

Meaning: I did. But you won't like my opinion.

He: No, really, I loved the shirt. A bit colourful, but hey, I'm adventurous.

Meaning: Worst gift ever!

He: This looks like your signature hairstyle for this year, yes?

Meaning: Please change it, already.

He: Please, go ahead and hang out with your friends. Have fun.

Meaning: Don't crowd me.

He: I'm just finishing my last drink then I come.

Meaning: Give me about three hours.

He: To be honest, I really don't care for big breasts that much.

Meaning: I care for big breasts a lot!

He: So, did you meet anyone interesting at the party?

Meaning: Did some rich, broad-shouldered, athletic, funny, charming guy with ideas in his head take your number down?

He: Maybe we need to slow down a bit.

Meaning: Maybe you need to slow down a bit.