During the State of the Nation address, it was discovered that we may also need a day to talk about fashion.
Our esteemed leaders turned up in what ought to have been their best fashion statements, but some left a lot to be desired. In this category falls a gentleman who was suffering from chequered fever: he had a chequered shirt, suit and a striped tie.
The poor fellow needed a fashion consultant besides his wife, who let him out of the house in the first place. Before long, I cast a glance at a minister in a good fitting suit and tie.
Sighing with relief, I thought, "Finally, here is one with good taste."
My curious eyes badly wanted to award him top marks for smartness but they caught a glimpse of his cheap imitation of Hush puppies on his feet. How anyone can sum up a good suit with such shoes beats me, especially at a function as serious as the State of the Nation address.
Did I forget to mention that he had socks on? He was the definite example of a fashion faux pas. Another fashion casualty was a Member of Parliament, who had sharp-pointed brown shoes akin to the legendary Ali Baba and the forty thieves' character in the Arabian Nights Fables.
With such shoes, it is hard to take someone seriously because you imagine that he wants to be a naughty thief like Ali Baba, who also had sharp-pointed shoes. Since it was a politicians' gathering, Kaunda suits were also spotted in the room.
However, one wearer outshone other Kaundas, when he wore it with a long-sleeved shirt. Surely, if he wanted a shirt to wear underneath, he could have worn a short-sleeved shirt and looked good.
Then there was the case of Loketo, the Lingala-looking dancers in the room. I am talking about men with big bellies and trousers that have been heaved up to their chests.
Even you would expect to find them at a Lingala show than at the State of the Nation address. To these fellows, I advise them to try Kaunda suits or wear suspenders on their suits because they clearly lost their waist constriction, a long time ago.
Lastly, I hope that men place handkerchiefs in their pockets instead of pens because they look ridiculous. During such gatherings, they are bound to need their handkerchiefs more than their pens to wipe the sweat off their brows.