I have finally remembered what Golola Moses of Uganda reminds me of; a cock's red crown.
Mr Cock, whose second name could easily have been Golola, used to threaten everyone that the comb on top of his head was fire, which he would not hesitate to use against anyone, Zsamboki or not, who would dare challenge him.
The animal kingdom got scared and, generally allowed him to use the title "of Uganda" and lined up to see him raze someone at Kyadondo Rugby Club last Friday.
There, like a frustrating manhood on a honeymoon night, his 'fi re' remained colder than coldest. Fans say it was more disappointing than the Cranes' failure to qualify to Afcon last year and we used to think nothing could ever be worse.
There are lessons of course. One, that it would have been much better to put a deceased person - like one of the Uganda Martyrs - in the ring to fight against the mzungu Zsamboki instead of Golola Moses of Uganda.
Golola spent his fi ghting time there falling and trying to hug (and sometimes succeeding), his aggressor, activities that don't earn points in the boxing ring.
The DPP should find that rule he used against 4GC to do with desecrating our country and its symbols. The title 'of Uganda' should be removed from Golola, he can become of ffumbe (civet cat) clan if he wants.
Uganda has seen Golola's nakedness and is not struggling to look again. He can now go in peace and ask for another job, probably as an MC or Kawempe town crier. And this is not a harmless conclusion if you see it in a polygamous context.
I will explain further. I landed on a radio story one day, about this woman who was around when her cowife collapsed unconscious. She mobilised a vehicle and took her to hospital before calling her husband to hurry up.
When the patient regained consciousness, she found her co-wife was the only one present. She asked what had happened and was told how she almost died.
She suddenly felt sad, very depressed and started crying profusely. The husband arrived when she was still crying herself to madness. She told him she was as good dead because her co-wife had seen her nakedness! It was a sort of Golola knock-out!
In the polygamy constitution, your co-wife should never see your nakedness! If she did, you are as good as vanquished because in public, she can claim to be better furnished because she knows you and you don't know her.
That could partly explain why when female rivals fight, they instinctively concentrate on declothing each other. At a future date, I will fi nd you an explanation from evolution psychology.
Back to the story: After it occurred to the husband that his sick wife was devastated, he confronted the wife who had brought her to hospital about why she did not call for help as soon as the patient had collapsed or let somebody else handle. The wife boldly told him off that she would have been stupid not to use this opportunity to discover what it was that attracted him to the woman.
"I am still baffl ed at what really takes you to that woman," she said. "Your poor old wife has nothing at all to deserve any attention from any man except the desperate ones! And now that I have seen her properly, warn her against provoking me or else I will release all the sorry data about her secrets!" All the female callers on radio raised three points.
One, that there is nothing worse than your rival seeing you naked without you seeing her. Two, that it was their wish to fi nd out how the rival's sacred house was furnished and three, that they would take the first possible opportunity.
And for you Mr. Golola of ffumbe clan, Uganda has seen your sorry nakedness. Next time you provoke us - let it be a hundred years from now, we shall release your secrets.