The Observer (Kampala)

Uganda: Sex Talk - Don't Be Stuck With Just One Joke

Even when you are really good at what you do, keep a change window open to avoid becoming too predictable.

You know what predictability in the bedroom signals: boredom.

What you did and how you did it ten years ago may have set that honeymoon suite on fire back then and for the years that followed, but don't become too comfortable with your game.

It can become like a good joke that has seen the same stage too many times. Just because they laughed till they cried when you first cracked it, don't be too disappointed when the next time you try, they even complete the sentences for you.

Or, haven't you encountered the toddler who, having enjoyed a game of tickle-bump-tickle with you one evening, is eager for "let's do it again, auntie" every evening after that, not knowing that the thrill of that was for just that moment (move on already, kiddo)?

Good but unvaried lovemaking can quickly become that way too. Like a repeated meal of matooke and beef year in, year out, that soon loses its essence and specialty. Yet when you punctuate it with the occasional frittata, the matooke's specialness goes to an even higher level.

While some people battle sexual dysfunctions, others battle this being one-sided and too predictable in bed. Not a bad thing in the sense of the word, but just dangerous to a marriage. Seek to discover new ways to you.

If the tantric sex works magic for your marriage, then good; just don't ruin its specialness by making it the daily bread. You can punctuate things with a little spontaneity here, a quickie there, a planned make-out there.

Don't be associated with just one way of romance. Even when there are no complaints yet, don't give boredom a chance. Don't allow yourself to be predictable in sex; those are the cases where one of the spouses is perplexed as to why their mate could possibly cheat yet orgasms and the pink elephants are regular visitors in their bedroom.

The answer may be standard: "It is not you hon'; it is me."

Listen to your body more and don't allow to be grounded in just one way, or position, of doing things. A marriage is a partnership for the long haul - well, at least it should be - so, make yours an enjoyable stay.

Just like you don't let your dining table become associated with "the usual", don't let even your bed sheets know what you are about to do next. It may be time for you to reciprocate some of the special favours your wife usually does for you as a matter of duty in the bedroom.

You may consider throwing in an incentive to making love with you, by coming off your male chauvinist horse once in a while to do things like breakfast in bed for her, as opposed to it being her daily duty to make your tea and biscuits ready before work.

Wives, thank goodness there are massage parlours all over the place now. Go get some tips and come back home to participate in foreplay. You know many wives I have sounded out feel foreplay is their husbands' thing to deliver, and theirs to consume. No. You too can bring the swagg during that part of business.

Give him a massage, challenge yourself with things that would raise his brow in pleasant surprise. It cannot be the usual wham-bang-we-are-done-where-are-the-cleaning-towels kind of sex, year in year out. Monotony and boredom will be inevitable in that case.

Allow yourselves to be more adventurous; you will glory together in whatever you pull off successfully and laugh together over memorable bedroom gaffes. Just don't be scared to rock the boat a little. It may reignite a part of your marriage you had long written off.

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