At Capital FM, where this interview is conducted, Quick Talk warns Val Oketcho, that she might ask him some funny (extraordinary if you like, haha) questions.
So, have you cheated on your wife?
I saw that coming. [Both Quick Talk and Val laugh. So much for Quick Talk's poker face!] No.
Yes. 80% of people who call the show [Late Date] want to find out whether their partners love them or are cheating. Is it such a normal thing? [Since 80% Late Date listeners are suspicious that their partners are unfaithful, what do you think?]
[Do men still wear vests? Val might know.] Do you wear vests?
Guys still wear vests?
Eh, the last guy I saw in a vest was our oooold neighbour. It was one of those that are perforated with holes. Aren't vests [like petticoats] old school?
Vests are like underwear. If you have this important meeting and are wearing a suit and don't want to appear drenched [in sweat at your important meeting], you wear a vest.
Speaking of underwear, what type of underwear do you prefer?
[Like men usually do, Val easily says] Boxers.
Would you ever wear pajama?
To bed? [Wearing paajama to bed? Funny. That's some love]. Describe these pajama you are talking about.
[Describes pyjamas and Quick Talk tells him, "No, not those. Don't you know pajama? They are underwear".] Paajama [The way he says it -with such an English accent (well, almost) -you'd not recognize this good old Luganda word] is a Luganda word? [Laughs heartily] I wouldn't wear them. Are they even healthy? [Are they?]
I listened to this radio show where the presenters asked if one was a victim of mob justice and they were told to choose: walk naked or be flogged, what would listeners choose? What would you choose?
I'd be flogged. I grew up in boarding school where we were caned.
Do you remember the time Simeo Nsubuga [then Kampala police spokesperson] said that girls call the emergency lines in the night telling [police] officers that they are cold and need warmth?
[Laughing] Yes. [Cleverly] They turned the emergency hotline into a love hotline.
Well, do you have female callers who turn your studio line into a love hotline? Do you have callers asking for warmth?
I've been here for like three months. Not really.
Where did you get love doctor experience?
The first show I did at Sanyu was the Love Zone.
What is the craziest story you've heard on the show [Late Date]?
Twins that were dating [twin brother and sister]. They were separated and each parent took one. They met in adulthood and got romantically involved. The boy took the girl home and his dad discovered that she was his twin.
[Val also talks of a 25-year-old that dated his mum and she was pregnant by the time they found out they were mother and son. Quick Talk asks if the stories are real (how can a mother not know their child?) and Val says they are].
Are you a romantic?
I try to be. [Laughs] I remember the important days and I surprise people.
What is your favourite food?
I eat anything except matooke. I like liver, rice, chapatti and nakatti (greens). I also like luwombo of smoked beef mixed with groundnut sauce.
It represents calm.
Aaah, those change like the seasons but I'd say my dad. [William Oketcho who represented the West Budama north constituency in the 8th parliament]. I saw how he really wanted to bring change to his constituency. He also did. If you looked at what he did, you'd think he served for two terms.
And the worst?
Oba who? All those guys who squander money.
Finally, who is your type of woman?
My type of woman? Confident, good looking [Duh!!], chatty, motherly and one that knows how to cook.