Aweeh, Tsetsemba (December) is here and I can already feel the vibe in the air. Cooler boxes are out, 061s are on the rocks and suddenly people have this burst of energy as they are apparently massaging the birth of Christ.

Ndju Namibians like things sowaar. Some of you have not even seen the inside of a chapel this whole year, have no idea where Jesus was born or who his earthly parents were but you are kamma such devoted Christians.

Who am I to judge anyway? They say be the first one to cast the stone if you are without sin.

But if you feel that you were a sondebok (evildoer) this whole year and need some redemption because you did all the wrong things that you shouldn't have been doing, such as squandering your money on unappreciative gold-digging kamborotos who called you Mr Muriua (sucker) behind your back while your poor wifey and bambinos waited for food and kimbis (baby nappies) at home that never came that month, then this is for you.

This is also for those self-proclaimed xomchas (businessmen) who have been living on other people's money by swindling unsuspecting mamparas (fools) at Wernhil Park with fake gold, diamonds and their tara nawa (look carefully) skills. Perhaps it's time to turn over a new leaf and learn to make an honest living such as selling apples, bananas, scratch (MTC) cards and oranges at the street corner in da Tura. I am reliably informed that those informal mini-shop owners make as much as N$300 a day.

Isn't that an honest way of living where you don't have to dodge the gatas (police) at every turn?

And you young prima donnas who thought you were too smart have hopefully now realised that nothing in this world is for free - except the air that you breathe.

This is for you if you were lucky enough to escape or survive bullets after taking those 'innocent' free rides, expensive Brazilian hair and pocket money from some angry sugar daddies.

You can also not escape if you have been dodging debtors who have been kind enough to give you a star-studded life that you would clearly not have been able to afford without the 'pay later' goods.

Etse, those goods were not for free; it's time to show them some appreciation by paying them back with your hard-earned year bonus. I understand that those dorps (town) people are not so afraid of the kasie any more.

Come next year, they are willing to cross those robots in front of Katutura Hospital to come look for you because they are tired of hearing from the receptionist at your job that you resigned or are dead.

Perhaps now that you are in the festive season mood, you want to go the holy way but do not wanna embarrass yourself in front of a bunch of devoted Born-Agains who will be too happy to skinder (gossip) about you for not knowing the lyrics to that famous Christmas lullaby.

So, in preparation for your return to the holy house, I thought it would be wise to learn a few church songs without having to feel embarrassed but you can only learn that by visiting a few watering holes in da Tura.

Believe me, they will receive you with open hands and not embarrass you if you don't know the words to that kersfees song.

They will repeat the same song so many times then they themselves can realise that by the time the night is over, the song would be mulling over and over in your head. And don't worry whether you sound off-tune, because nobody will notice. I don't have a particular watering hole in mind, but there is one near Kamberipa Street where they tanga (worship) this time of the year until well after Christmas. Just ask for directions when you reach that street; I can't give you any more hints because it would be unethical to advertise a business on this platform as that would give them an unfair advantage.

Luckily, you will not have to be worried that that pitiful discussion about religion versus science or whether God exists or not will come up, as they will too caught up in singing. Sorry Ngo!