We were chilling with buddies, having a good time, chatting about nothing in particular then suddenly my phone rings. It was one of my uncles calling to report how my cousin had been battered by her husband. In other words, my uncle was telling me to do something about it. I immediately mobilized the boys from Nebbi (my brothers), took them through a refresher course in Karate and Taichi and then headed to my cousin's home.
The idea was to beat the hell out of her husband so that he learns never to touch a woman in this day and age. He knows very well that he promised never to lay a hand on her when we were giving her away and here he was breaching his promise. Before we proceeded, another call came in that my cousin was actually in hospital as a result of the beatings from her husband.
So, we got diverted to IHK and when we got there we found a battered girl. She lay there, motionless but dazed, her face was so swollen she looked like she had been run over by a truck. The doctor told us she would be discharged after a week - he had to monitor her condition.
She later got some energy to talk and I asked her what exactly happened. She said she had gone out with her girlfriends. So, she came back home late and tipsy, she found her husband sleeping and she woke him up to open the door for her, she then proceeded to check on her husband's phone (mbu for suspicious messages!).
When the hubby told her to stop checking on his phone, she threw a tantrum and then slapped him! So, that's where her troubles started. I then told her that this (assault) was criminal and that I was going to do something about it. I went and involved the custodians of the law a.k.a the police (sometimes they are not as stupid as they look).
After tracking him down for four days, we managed to get him arrested and detained. I was happy that we didn't take the law in our own hands, we actually involved the police and they acted without asking for kitu-kidogo. As soon as our in-law was arrested and detained, I headed back to hospital to break the news of what had just happened.
When I got to the hospital, the female doctor told me the patient was resting and asked me to wait for a few minutes if I didn't mind. Of course I didn't mind waiting while chatting with a cute young doctor.... I had to be PATIENT! Soon the battered patient was up, she looked better than the first time I saw her.
However, the drip was still on and I proceeded to tell her that we had managed to arrest and detain her husband for battering her. She never waited for me to finish, she threw a tantrum immediately. "What? Why did you do that? Who told you to do that? Now go and release my boo now or else I am leaving this hospital now.
Who gives you the authority to touch my love? Now get out of here and go and set him free. Moses is a darling, he doesn't deserve to be in jail" I swear some women deserve to be battered. And next time no one should call me to save a situation. I will batter you myself.