Leadership (Abuja)

9 December 2012

Nigeria: Playing 'Hard to Get' Is Normal

Some men complain when a lady is proving difficult to get. But the truth is that no man will really appreciate a woman who lets all manner of men into her world. Blessing Ukemena writes on why playing hard to get should not be as seen as a misnomer among women.

Playing hard to get used to be the way to go - the reason, "playing hard to get" was the way to go for centuries before this era of having a therapist as a hobby, and tweeting your every emotion. Maintaining some privacy doesn't necessarily mean being emotionally constipated.

It's also just a form of valuing yourself, and showing the world that you're selective of who you let in, which makes being let in by you seem all the sweeter. This works especially with women.

Women want to earn everything you can give them.

Like with anything in life, rewards are more enjoyable when earned. A one-night-stand with a prostitute is not appreciated as much as making love to a lady for the first time on your wedding day. Wink!

Women are smarter than you think.

Many men will not stay with a woman who cannot think for herself or contribute sometimes to his life. A man constantly practices the exercise of stepping outside his own body, and his own thoughts, and imagining what it's like to be the woman that he is pursuing. He tries to get in her head.

And that man soon recognises that a woman is not just a pretty face. She is a complete being, with years of life lived behind her, with stresses about work, plans to achieve her goals, and ideas of how she'll resolve that fight with her best friend buzzing through her head. With that, he tends to appreciate her more.

The first compliment will make or break you.

You see if you give a woman a compliment too quickly, she won't appreciate it. She may smile at you, but she never takes it seriously. And if you don't say the right things, you've pretty much lost that woman forever. A woman appreciates your level of intellect and sensitivity, based on when and how you compliment her for the first time.

She would love your ability to charm her based on this. Tell a woman she's beautiful within the first minute of speaking to her, and she thinks: "Great! So, he can recognise I have nice hair and face, but does everyone else?" But tell a woman she is beautiful one hour into speaking to her and she feels that you're seeing much more than just the way she looks.

She feels that her personality, the way she made you laugh, or how intelligent she is, made you suddenly see her as a potential mate. This, of course, is not how the male mind works at all. You've been looking at her as a sexual mate since she walked into the bar.

Ladies like to earn your commitment.

When you are finally dating a woman somewhat regularly, the next thing she wants to earn is your commitment to her. That's why after getting that first date, you don't want to jump into inviting her to meet your parents (except for the desperate cases).

It is very difficult for a lady to believe that after one minute of conversing, you should have gathered enough information on her to know if you want one date with her. She also doesn't believe that after only a couple weeks of dating, you should have gathered enough information on her to know if you want to spend your life with her.

It's hard work to be a lady.

You know how you've had a hard life? Sure you have. You've had struggles, you've had issues with your parents on things you're insecure about. You have layer upon layer within you. Those are all the things that today make you a strong, stable, loveable person. You worked hard to get where you are as an individual; so, no unfocused man is going to get it easy from you.

Ladies also want to feel that you know what you're doing.

A slow man is also a learned man, as far as dating goes. The man that's never had a serious relationship jumps right into one. He wouldn't even know what traits to look for, or avoid. So, he doesn't know the value of taking his time to look for those before committing. A man who knows what he is doing knows what works and what doesn't for him.

And a woman knows that a man that takes his time to commit really means it when he finally does commit. He's not suddenly going to disappear, because something surprised him. He already took the time to make sure there would be no surprises.

That's why when a woman is made to wait for commitment and if the man really wants her, then he has to work hard to get where he wants to be with her.

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