22 December 2012

Kenya: The Real Signs of the End of the World

Today is a special day. It is December 22 and if you are reading this, it means you are stick stuck with us in this dreary world. The world was supposed to have ended yesterday, December 21, according to the Mayan Calender.

These end of the world predictions never work because the people who make them sometimes are not the sanest of individuals and the people who believe them are not too right either.

The case for the end of the world has however never been stronger. The President of the most powerful nation on earth, for now, is a melanin-packed Barack Obama.

The African continent suddenly seems to be the destination of choice for investors while the rest of the world is going to the dogs.

And just when Lionel Messi was about to be crowned as the footballer who has scored the most goals in a year, Zambia's Godfrey Chitalu rose from the grave to claim the title.

The world was clearly on its head recently when continental awards were awarded to President Kibaki for uniting Kenya and Kamlesh Pattni for his humanitarian work.

In spite of these, the world does not seem to be anywhere close to ending. Some things must happen for me to be convinced that the big bang or rapture is about to happen.

The first would be to hear Maina Kageni and Mwalimu King'ang'i on Classic 105 talk about how they are trying to help people hold unto their marriages.

The show's topic would be something like 'What is the best thing that has ever happened to men since sliced bread; Kenyan women or Kenyan Women?'

Listeners will be calling in with glowing testimonies about how amazing their husbands and wives are and eventually it would have to be a draw.

The consensus would be that Kenyan partners are just awesome and never lie, cheat, steal, embezzle, neglect children or do anything else that will negatively affect their significant others.

The biggest tech news would be about Samsung and Apple ending their law suits over everything and discussing a merger.

The sports news would be about Arsenal fans being in delirium as their club lifts the UEFA Champions league cup and then the

World Cup in Japan.This is what will convince me that the world is coming to an end. Another thing would be seeing ladies in Nairobi walking casually in torrential rains without reaching for those unsightly plastic bags that we see everywhere as soon as the first rain drop hits the ground.

Women would be having natural hair that is not easily damaged by water, not weaves. The weave industry would be on its knees down.

I'll know the world is about to end if I'm on a night out after stress-free day and the service is impeccable. The barman would not insist to pour my beer into the glass so that I can drink faster.

At the pub, we would all be glued to K24 where Linda Ogutu and her skirts would have moved there, taking all of us with her.

The biggest news story would be how Kenya has qualified for the World Cup. The coach of Harambee Stars Jose Mourinho formerly of Chelsea, Inter Milan and Real Madrid would be calling his players a special team led by a special one.

At the end of the bulletin, there would be brief highlights about political coalitions formed ahead of elections. By then very few people would be interested as the stereo would be on full blast already and people would be dancing to the latest version of the Gangnam Style.

When all these happen, I will be certain that the world is ending, either by the return of the saviour with trumpet sounds and all or by a huge rock faling from the sky to ends all life on earth as we know it.

Venue Review

Soaring Eagle Spur, Eka Hotel, Mombasa Road

The Manchester derby was the biggest thing on my mind last Sunday. I needed to see who would be crowned football king of Manchester.

That was the main thing that led me to the Eka Hotels on Mombasa Road. A friend had told me it would give me a good opportunity to enjoy the game.

As I walked in, I was pleasantly surprised to see that the venue was also the home of a Spur franchise. Spur is an eatery run by South Africans and offers extremely good food at reasonable prices.

So I walked in, looked around and marveled at the well-done decor. This is one of the few places in town that even the disabled people can access easily.

It has an elevator to the upstairs section. I made my way to the upper floor and ordered a cold Tusker that was retailing at Sh270, which is quite high a price, whichever way you look at it.

I also ordered some chicken wings as I watched the game, which were really tasty. There was a small balcony where one could watch the Mombasa Road traffic and observe the construction going on in the fast-growing area.

As I enjoyed the pulsating match, I saw the staff of the restaurant converge at table where some ladies were sitting. They had a birthday cake and they wished her a happy birthday.

I thought that was really nice. I also noted that the crowd was distinctly family-oriented. Many people had come with their children and some of the kids were at a little day-care-like place designated for them downstairs.

This is one of the few places in town you can bring your kid to play with others as you drink beer and watch the game. As the game went into extra time, I had to use the washroom and here, I found an excellent facility; clean.

Just like one would expect from an establishment where beers are retailing at Sh270. It is also very easy to escape in case of an emergency.


Excellent décor and service, clean washrooms, emergency exits available, convenient location.



My verdict

It is a good place for a family outing.

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