The Observer (Kampala)

Uganda: The Geezer - Here Come the January Blues

Did someone tell you that December has 62 days? Well, if you doubted, how do you feel today?

Not quite like you did some weeks back, huh? All lazy and with some weird electric anxiety whose cause or end you can not fathom? ?I won't even bother to ask about the wallet status; it has to get worse before it gets better and we are not even halfway the journey. ?Happy New Year folks! Oh what a year it's been! I don't know about yours but for me, it's just as well 2012 has gone, never to return.

So bad was 2012 that making resolutions for 2013 becomes pointless; otherwise, what happened to those I made at the dawn of 2012?

Somehow, these years treat us in the best way they want to, not so much what we want - unless of course lady luck smiles your way. ?Speaking of which, the ladies don't seem to have changed much for the better this year. They are still as gorgeous, somewhat inaccessible and don't seem to have shed yester-year's bad manners, like being nags. ?If you have a live-in, I am sure you know what a spec between the last two molars or a cavity feels like, or worse an abscess down there where the 'sun don't shine'.

That is pain you are stuck with till surgery; I am not so sure surgery can fix marital pain and please don't entertain such wishes like actuating this whole 'till death do us part' for your spouse this year - you could spend the rest of life by the lake in Luzira.

The body is still lazy, sometimes waking up with a hangover is what it's been accustomed to for the last set of weeks; now waking up sober seems painful. ?There is also the part of getting used to normal food portions, away from the mounds that we devoured all festive season long. It will be long before you get an invite to a friend or relative's house to find nothing but food and drink in plenty waiting for an already satisfied you.

Some of you will reminisce over that platter of pork you left half eaten when the hunger pangs bite and solutions are no longer written on the ceiling. ?And please try some de-worming this week, it's bad to have less to eat and worse if you are competing with internal parasites for whatever little is left in your gut. ?And before you die and are pronounced dead from alcohol or related drug overdose, please do some detox.

Green tea with lemon grass served with hot water should replace that dusk beer and work the magic of a good night's sleep. As for my working folks, no one takes leave in January - even the MPs who are by schedule supposed to be off mixing and mingling with us their voters cannot stand the heat and are riding roughshod to get back to work - so who are you, taking leave in January, even if you worked all December?

And by the weekend's end, calls will be coming in from all corners; friends, relatives, bastards and all, seeking your assistance in matters of school fees. Don't say I didn't warn you. Don't be rude, this is the time to test your patience; did someone say 'patience pains'?

Well, it also pays, if that happens to be your boss' name, I guess. ?For all the January blues, always remember it was January last twelve months and the year ended, so will this one - if it doesn't end you first.

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