It looks like everyone wants to manage human behaviour to ensure that we all vote on March 4. Just before the Tenth parliament wound up its business, an MP introduced a bill seeking to stop people from drinking alcohol 48 hours before the election.
This was meant to reduce the chances of violence and bad behavior before polling day. Then on Monday, we heard of a decree from folks in Central Kenya banning sex and alcohol 12 hours before the election.
These moves would be applauded if politics - voting for some guy to take over the reins of power - is all life is about. However, as some politicians have noted, perhaps politics has taken over every sphere of our lives from morning when we wake up till the day we all lay down.
The ban on sex and alcohol should not be imposed on the election day only. There are several other sectors where this ban would be of great help.
There is a public body called the Energy Regulatory Commission that decides how much fuel companies should charge for this precious commodity.
When they announce a rise if fuel prices, it is normally in shillings but when it is a reduction, it is usually in cents. This is very unfair to the consumer.
To make the ERC run smoothly and fix fuel prices fairly, those sitting at the board should by law abstain from alcohol and sex for at least 72 hours before the date of setting of the prices.
The ban should go on indefinitely if they fail to set favourable prices. With such sanctions in place, you will probably find the price of petro quickly going down and Kenyans will buy the stuff at Sh50.
This should also applly to the folks that work at the utility company that we all love so much called Kenya Power. These people should be banned from engaging in any bodily pleasure whenever there is a blackout in any part of the country.
There should be no sex or booze for anyone in the management of the organization for every hour that any Kenyan misses power. Within weeks, the company's twitterer-in-chief will be reduced to sending tweets about the football tournaments they are sponsoring.
Outages will be a thing of the past, allowing Kenyans to watch such TV delights as reality dating show, Tujuane on KTN and beloved Spanish telenovellas with imaginative names like "Beautiful but unlucky."
Security within our borders is not as bad as in India where mad people assault women in buses with impunity. However, as the elections loom, tribal clashes have reared their ugly heads again with many people losing lives from Tana River to Baragoi and all the way to Nairobi's Mathare slum.
There are claims that the police usually have advance knowledge of what is about to happen but ignored the warnings. The police's top management should be banned from drinking booze and having sex.
This would go a long way to ensure that Kenyans are safe wherever they are. The ban would be based on the number of deaths. One dead person would mean one week of no booze and no sex for police officers. This way, the police would go to any lengths to ensure that every Kenyan is safe.
The Kenyan education system has undergone a complete metamorphosis in the last decade, especially with the introduction of the free primary education system in 2003.
The only downside is that the quality of education has been compromised as there are not enough teachers to teach all the children. Teachers have been accused to not trying hard enough to make students pass their exams. They should be slapped with an alcohol and booze ban too. This will ensure our children get the best education.
Venue review; Pisces 3D club, River Road
There has been a revival in Downtown Nairobi, Tom Mboya Street, to be precise, in the last decade. Old worn out buildings have been torn down and have been replaced with flashy new ones. New signs and a new pulse are coming up in this part of Nairobi that was once associated with faeces-wielding street urchins.
Nothing demostrates this better than a new club in River Road called Pisces 3D. I went there with a few friends on Saturday evening after someone told me it is the place to be.
When you get into this place and turn left, you find a sight that can only fit in the more posh parts of the city. Sadly, the club is on the first and second floor of a multi-storey building and this means that anyone on a wheelchair will not be able to access it.
The stairs are also quite thin even for the able-bodied people who might not have full access to their faculties after a few drinks.
There was a counter at the entrance where I took a seat and ordered my cold Tusker. It came at Sh170; not bad in the brave new Downtown Nairobi but still a bit on the higher side.
This setup in this place is the best I've seen so far. There's even a seat that reminded me of the Men In Black movie series. There was also a top VIP area where one could enjoy to their satisfaction in a quiet surrounding.
As I went around, I noted that there was no sign showing a fire escape and this concerned me. I would not want to be in this place in case of a fire, especially since the stairs are not so good. In spite of this flaw, men and women, both young and young at heart were all over the place.The washorooms were very clean.
A quick recap of the venue;
Good: convinient location, excellent décor, decent service, funky crowd.
Bad: Inaccessible for the disabled, no fire exits.
My verdict: If you are in the River Road area and are looking for a cool new place to explore, I recommend you give Pisces 3D a try.