It has been said that there is no worse feeling than being in love alone. Well, that's what happens if you are unlucky enough to fall for a girl who sees you as nothing more than a friend. The only worse thing that can happen is for you to be stuck in this dreaded zone and have no clue about it, clinging to some blue sky optimism that things are going to change and she'll fall head over heels for you.
You need to wake up and smell the coffee, stop kidding yourself and either let her be just a friend and start treating her like just that, because that is all you are ever going to be in her eyes or try pushing for more, and things will get awkward and you will lose the friendship as well. So, how exactly do you tell that you are trapped in the friend zone? Here are some eye opening signs.
She keeps stressing how lucky she is to have a friend like you
If she can't seem to pass up an opportunity to point out how much of a great friend you are, take the hint and get yourself a girlfriend because she will never be yours. All she is saying to you is that you are good to her and that is why she likes you but would never think of getting freaky with you.
Albert, a credit officer in one of the local financial institutions found himself in his colleague's friend zone and as much as he tried throwing her hints to show her what he really felt, she would come out and tell him how great a friend he is and she didn't know what she'd do without him. Eventually he got tired of the friend talk and came out, told her what he really wanted and she freaked out, telling him that he was like a brother to her. "Things got really awkward after that and I'd usually get really uncomfortable around her in the office, I even considered changing jobs but luckily she beat me to it," explains Albert.
She gets comfy around you far too quickly
You meet this awesome girl, may be through a common friend and you are really into her and you start making your moves, getting together in the absence of the common friend and you are really trying to impress her but seemingly, she does not care how she looks when you see her, she doesn't even try to impress you and talks to you about her insecurities; how she is depressed about her weight, how she got into a crowded matatu and was sweating like a pig - you will never get her and the sooner you realize that the better for you. Any girl who considers you as a potential boyfriend will be very careful around you probably until you are a couple and some even after that. She will watch the way she eats, what she says to you and most of all how she looks when you meet. If you happen to run into each other on the street and she doesn't look good, she will be uncomfortable and will casually say this very quickly and disappear.
My pal Caxton was trying to get together with this girl he met at one of his friends' birthday parties and the three of them went out several times. Although he'd try his best to look as good as he could, he noticed that she'd show up in a T-shirt or something not too eye-catching, she'd tell them all sort sof embarrassing stories about herself and did not seem to care about what he thought of her, they got to know each other over time but she didn't seem to be keen on having Caxton as anything more than a friend. Then one day he introduced her to one of his other friends and he noticed that she changed the way she talked, she chose her words carefully and seemed to be really keen on what Caxton's friend was saying. Several weeks later, the girl and Caxton's friend were dating.
She constantly says that you'd make a great boyfriend (for some lucky girl)
She seems to think that you would be the best boyfriend for every other girl but her. If she actually ever considered having you as her boyfriend one day, she'd never mention anything about you being with someone else. What she is saying is, "you are a great guy but you are not my type. Let's just be friends."
She comes to you crying about her relationship woes
Allan had this neighbour he really liked but she was dating some guy who was not very good to her. She'd come to Allan crying about how he'd hurt her and Allan comforted her but she would never leave him. Finally when he left her, she'd come to Allan asking him what was wrong with her and why she never got a boyfriend who appreciated her. As much as he tried to show her how much she was worth and how different he'd be to her if he was her guy, she'd hug him and tell him that he was her best friend. She later got another boyfriend and would still come to Allan telling him how great the new boyfriend is.
If you take up the role of her therapist, she will always only come to you when she needs help. The moment you tell her that you need her, she will send you packing. Girls are evil like that.
You told her how you feel but she shrugged it off
If you tell a girl that you like her and she either pretended you never did or that she did not understand, compared you to her brother or said you'd make a great boyfriend and then followed by a 'but' , you are and forever will be in the friend zone. There is a difference between a girl playing hard to get and turning you down. If she does any of the above, that is turning you down and you need to deal with it and the best way to do that is not by sticking around and being her BFF, unless that is what you want to be, forever!
Only calls or comes to you when she needs help with something
Just like my friend Allan, if a girl makes you her handy man or therapist, you must know that you are not special and that role can be played by just about anyone. If you want more from her, you should not encourage her to always come to you when she needs something. If you do, then my friend, you have been friend-zoned! If you think that the compliments that she pays you after you do something to her are ever going to pay off, you are only right if you only expect the compliments as payment. A girl who wants to be your girlfriend rarely shares too many of her problems with you because she cares what you will think about her and if by doing so you will resent her and harm the chances of the two of you getting together.
If she falls out with her boyfriend in the middle of the night and asks to come and crush at your place, and you have to take the couch as she sleeps in your bed, you are a really good friend, get comfortable with that title because it's all you are ever going to get out of it and probable and quick hug in the morning.
There is really nothing wrong with being a good friend to a girl, but remember that if you were expecting more from her at the end of the day, you are going to get hurt and she will move on like nothing even happened. The truth is you will at some point do it to someone albeit unknowingly but there is nothing funny about being on the receiving end. Watch out for the signs, know your place and adjust your expectations accordingly.