I AM back! Ja, ja ... I know you missed me although some of you might not want to admit that you enjoyed my kasie stories even a little.
Belated Happy New Year to you and yours. But am I the only one who doesn't care or think all this fascination with New Year resolutions are just a waste of time?
I am not being pessimistic, mind you, but I was under the impression that come 2013, especially on the first of January tog, people would be better behaved.
They would probably be counting their sins or reflecting back on the things they did or did not do during the previous year.
There I was on the first day of 2013 enjoying myself at my favourite cousin's house, barbequing and having a good time. As is gatecrashing tradition in Tura, I wasn't surprised when uninvited folks entered her yard seeking a good time.
I said to myself this really is a new year, because everyone either came with own cooler-box or plastic bag filled with goodies or contributed money to the eateries and drinks. By now, I was sure that most folks knew that nothing is for mahala since tjarii (charity) died long time ago.
Then this well-dressed and clean-shaven man started cursing at everyone. It was then that I noticed that he had hurriedly helped himself to other people's drinks because when he got there he was totally nugter (sober) or maybe babalaz.
Apparently when the ngupa (blood sucker) was advised to get his own drinks, he became furious and decided to sabotage the party.
"Who do you think you are? You think you are better than me?" he was fuming.
I mean hasn't he heard of the phrase, 'No cover, no drink' before? That is when I was shaken back to reality that haibo (oh no), this is Tura where things remain the same.
Yes, the peeping Tant Minas are still there with their refined eardrums that know all the gossip juicies in da Tura and even in your dorp (town) mansions where you are hiding. If you were once a lokasie girl or boy, remember that you will not escape the sniffing noses of those famous early-bird anties who never go to sleep.
The hard headed kamborotos are still there. They don't care about your words of wisdom to leave out older tates (men) and stick to their schoolbooks.
How can they concentrate on schoolwork if they can't be seen not sporting the most expensive Brazilian hairpieces and owning a Black Berry phone? After all, it's not their fault that you are now an 'old meme' who can't attract Mr Muriua (Mr Sucker) to buy you all those luxuries and that while you get up every morning to go to work.
And the ncina (bag snatchers) boys who have now advanced from pick-pocketing, cloning bankcards to sumier carrying the whole ATM machine along, are still there.
I don't know where the ceremonies take place but from what I hear those boys might have now advanced to xomcha (con artist) status. The next time you see one of those omshashos (gangsters) you better show some respect and not hide your handbag because they could care less about the little change in your purse that you borrowed from the cash loan sharks. They are in a league of their own now and can even buy you a N$40 shot at one of those Klein Windhoek up-market shebeens.
Get angry or hate them all you want, but the BEE magnates whose favourite restaurant during the week is kama 'Luigi and What You Might Call It' are still there with their fleet of Land Rovers and must be seen at a Tura carwash spot on a good Sunday afternoon.