Vanguard (Lagos)

28 January 2013

Nigeria: No Draw Soup for Eagles

You cannot beat Nigerians in trivializing issues. Since the coming of Comedians, have you noticed that Nigerians are living longer because of the the jokes that make people happy? Laughter changes the chemicals of the brain and reduces stress.

Laughter is indeed the only tranquillizer with no side effect. The Super Eagles have drawn two matches at the on-going Nations Cup against Burkina Faso and Zambia and their drawing prowess has brought out the humour in Nigerians.

At the Easy Stay Hotel of the NFF, they have arranged for a Nigerian who brings local delicacies. The meal keeps them away from the chain of eateries here. Nigerians love to swallow more than the ones they eat with fork and knife.

Somebody remarked the other day that the woman should seize from serving them draw soup to see if the Eagles could get a win instead of drawing.

I laughed and got back to my hotel to see my BB blinking red. A ping from Jemi, our own beautiful Jemi Ekunkunbor reads: "Which one draw pass? A, Okro B. Ogbono C. Ewedu D. Super Eagles. And if indeed you want Eagles to beat Ethiopia on Tuesday and progress further in the Nations Cup, please, don't eat anything that 'draws'.

Power, Enter!

You may have seen the lurid video of a woman who fell to the sweet tongue of some so-called Pastors in Warri in Nigeria.

The story was that the woman was desperate for a child and had to OPEN up to receive the ROD of miracles in an uncompleted building.

Under their spell, she received 'anointing' by shouting Power, Enter while the hungry-looking insatiable boy jerked to and fro. It's an eye-sore to some and eye-catcher to others. Prince Osuagwu still has the film.

Anyway, my South African friend asked me why Nigerians are so gullible over miracles using the Power and Enter episode as an example.

He said that many Nigerians have tried out many dubious practices from religion to drugs and to duping but that their Governments have stood firm against sharp practices.

Did your authorities go after those hoodlums to arrest them and bring them to book?", he asked again. What do I tell him?

Millions to my orphan

As I move from place to place out here in South Africa for the coverage of the Nations Cup, I ran into a very old woman who offered to give me accommodation.

She had a mansion and offered one of the rooms to me. She said that she was a widow and had only an orphan who would inherit everything when she answers the final call. I waited to meet the orphan and she emerged with big pussy cat whose whiskers had turned grey.

Cuddling and kissing the cat, she introduced her orphan as Andy, the name of her late husband. While she went to fetch the key to my guest room with her orphan, I made for the exit door. Imagine me living with a pussy cat. The orphan.

Issa sleeping with CAF lights on!

This is coming from a South African Newspaper(Sunday Sun). Dozy Confederation of African Football, CAF President was captured by an overzealous cameraman taking a snooze in the presidential suite at the Bafana-Angola match in Durban this past week.

Not even the sound of 65,000 Vuvuzelas could stop "granddad" from taking his mid afternoon siesta. Knowing how Hayatou and CAF operate, the reckless cameraman may have filmed his last shot.

What was he thinking of? Embarrassing and showing the whole world how hard our CAF President works?

Crocodiles on the loose!

South Africa's wild life is a major boost to their economy and attracts tourists to the rainbow nation. Its always a pleasure driving and seeing such animals on the roadside. Oyibos stop and take pictures. For me, I thought about how to kill it and make ngwo-ngwo soup with Cameroon pepper and a big bottle of Odeku to drive it in.

If one is caught harassing the animals, jail awaits such an offender without option of fine. But what happens if one comes across the run-away crocodiles? About 15,000 crocodiles escaped from a South African reptile farm along the border with Botswana. Driving rains forced the Limpopo River over its banks on Sunday morning near the Rakwena Crocodile Farm

The farm's owners, fearing that the raging flood waters would crush the walls of their house, opened the gates, springing the crocodiles,. About half of the reptiles have been captured, with thousands still on the loose.

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