New Era (Windhoek)

29 January 2013

Namibia: Some Causes of Passion Killing

column

FOLLOWING an article I wrote entitled "Love through the lens of rhetoric" I have received quite a number of comments from our readers. Some of the readers have asked me to express my opinion on what I think about the relentless passion killings in Namibia.

Well, most women find it very frightening to live in a country dominated by men who suffer from self-pity, self-doubt and insecurity. On the contrary, the majority of men are too scared to be jilted by their lovers. What we see in Namibia is a bunch of insecure men, who always feel that other men are better than they are and they are on a rampage to murder women in cold-blooded fashion whenever women dump them.

This group of imbeciles should be educated and learn that no amount of money can buy you a soul. Real men should be protectors, defenders, lovers and friends of women and not their murderers. A man should look after his woman, love his woman, respect his woman and, if necessary, die for his woman. It is the duty and responsibility of both men and women to have an open and healthy relationship in order for them to learn to solve problems amicably.

Effective and proper communication skills are necessary for any relationship to succeed. When a tricky situation arises, it is imperative for both men and women to remain calm and collected. One of the partners should initiate a proper discussion to try and get to the bottom of the problem in a mature way. Maintain eye-contact and engage the unhappy party in the whole discussion; reason with them by explaining to them why you think the relationship should end. Avoid being arrogant and evasive, stand up to the person and explain as much as you possibly can.

And if you are the cause of the problem, learn to swallow your pride. At least apologise for your mistakes and wrongs, don't be defensive for nothing. Any man who thinks that pumping thousands of dollars into a woman guarantees them real love, deserves to be called an idiot! I am very sure some of the men out there who lack persuasive communication skills shamelessly rely heavily on surrendering more than half of their salaries to women, in the quest to win their hearts and minds.

It is not true that women in Namibia have become romantic vulture capitalists who are interested only in money. There are some women out there who are genuinely looking for love, but what they get in return is death. A relationship can only thrive if there is healthy communication. In as much as women want men to love them and respect them, they too are required to be faithful to their husbands and avoid milking men financially.

It doesn't make sense for a woman to have ten boyfriends at the same time. A real woman should respect her body. A real woman should be able to have a frank and open conversation with her boyfriend or husband. The fundamental problem with sexual relationships in Namibia is the lack of trust. Men don't trust women and women don't trust men. However, a frank and open conversation can be a useful tool to easing tension between two individuals who are in an argument.

Men and women should define their relationship before committing themselves to it.

If your relationship is based on entertainment and sex, money should be your guiding compass to get your way out of the romantic jungle. But if your relationship is built on mutual respect and trust, love should be your guiding star. Shakespeare says in one of his poems that "love is not love which alters when its alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove, o' no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on the tempest and never shaken."

Namibians should understand that marriage or relationships are the union of minds not bodies. Sexual intercourse should not be viewed as a sign of love; love is when the minds of a couple come together in matrimony. There must be a paradigm shift in the thinking pattern of men; men must understand that the shower of love they take every evening and morning can run out.

Seek professional help if the situation is beyond your control; speak to someone you trust and maintain your composure at all times. It is advisable to always make sure that you inform your parents about the person you intend to date. Find out more about the person. You must know as a woman that some men can move heaven and earth in being economical with the truth, so it is your responsibility to interrogate your so-called hubby before you declare to him that your bed would not regret his stay.

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