Vanguard (Lagos)

Nigeria: Ass-Orted!

Clemence Westerhof once said that he loved Nigerian women. He loved the natural beauty of Nigerian women especially the rhythm at the back when they walk.

The only problem with a Nigerian woman is what Afro beat legend, Fela Anikulapo, called Shakara. No Nigerian woman would approach a man or tell you I like you.

And when you admire and tell one that you love her, you are looking for trouble. "Look me look dis one o. You love who? Chai!". All those ones are shakara or what my Warri friend would call IGG meaning Initial Gra-gra. E wan do. If you persevere and cross that hurdle, you would be the one on the run.

All responsibilities from "my landlord gave me a quit notice, to send me recharge card or my mother is in the hospital, I want to re-touch my hair or fix Brazilian hair, or my cloth is with the tailor etc are yours.

If you have the misfortune of falling for a student, you are in grave financial danger of paying for handouts, project money, school fees, hostel money and those dangers of unfaithfulness and responsibility that you would not allow your wife to bring forward.

The reverse is the case here. Women toast men and men ask for favours like Nigerian women. The beauty of a South African woman is in her waist. Nature has endowed them with big waist and they wag it provokingly.

My Ibo brother told me; "Nnaa, they are assorted here. You don't sweat to get any one. Just say excuse me and they are smiling like Eve when she ate the forbidden fruit.

Until coins weigh you down

For Nigerians, coins are almost a taboo to carry. Coins in Nigeria have gone into extinction. It is then dangerous to see coins here. Every little purchase you make, be sure to get coins as change. And there is virtually nothing that one would buy that would not have coins on top. I understand that the coins are taxes that go to Government for maintenance of roads and other public utilities.

The people are happy because the government provides all the basic amenities. As for us, we have the misfortune of carrying coins about and it is threatening to create holes in my pockets.

They are heavy. They mark you out with the noise that comes from your pocket. They also weigh you down when you are walking.

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