"In today's world... in order to govern... both strength of mind and body are necessary... I have had to recognise my incapacity to adequately fulfil the ministry entrusted to me," Pope Benedict XVI'
Did you see the cat-and-mouse games that went on last week as "Narc activist" Mary Wambui was barred by presidential security from attending different functions President Kibaki was officiating in his Othaya constituency?
What shenanigans! What mischief did she really possess that our precious taxpayers money would be misused to retain grown, highly-trained men to engage in such tasteless childishness?
And, why, in the first place do we tolerate this kind of nonsense where Mary Wambui, herself, is provided with state security and resources at our expense while styling herself as a private citizen?
One thing for sure is this: Mary Wambui will almost certainly be the next MP of Othaya; despite these shenanigans, mischief and nonsense and first son's Jimmy Kibaki's petulance.
Here's some more electoral nonsense: the loud exhortations to vote in 'six-piece suit' fashion in support of your favourite political party. What temerity!
After running their party primaries in such poor, inept and incompetent manner, the 'big' political parties are now asking us to vote for leaders we actually rejected at the primaries.
This paradox which is being activated through the nonsense of the six-piece suit must be rejected in toto. It has been no secret in Kenya that the public service has actively contributed partisan support during elections.
So why the sudden decibels of defensive posturing when the Cord Alliance late last week began to scream "bloody murder" following their own allegations that the head of the civil service Francis Kimemia, the Chief of the Kenya Defence Forces Julius Karangi, and the head of the national intelligence agency Michael Gichangi were involved in partisan politics?
Kenya really did not need the screeching shrillness of a rabidly, foaming-from-the-mouth response from the government spokesman, Muthui Kariuki or the Jubilee Coalition's contortions of rage and outrage (whereas it was not accused of anything but the under-the-radar enjoyment of state largess which it cannot help if these officers are mistakenly besotted with what they must perceive as Jubilee's superior political platform).
Really, it is as simple as the IEBC demanding a detailed response from the mentioned state officers to the Cord allegations and then, if they are deemed innocent, warning Cord, in addition to imposing a huge fine, for crying wolf yet all there is is a dog with big teeth.
Of course the land question in Kenya is "emotive". It was the key grievance informing the Mau Mau war of independence as well as one of the key root causes fuelling the 2007 post-election violence, especially in the Rift Valley.
Now given the sheer radioactivity of this issue, should we continue to keep it in cold storage where it, at arbitrary political whim and manipulation, is mobilized to kill, injure, rape, maim and displace and essentially scare us away from the democratic project?
Is it not more circumspect to put it on the political table and unpeel it, layer after layer, however much this peeling causes our eyes to tear? Have we not had a post-independent jubilee of no-discussion of the land question and suffered dire consequences due to it?
"You cannot run a government using Skype," was the barbed but reasonable and sensible advise Prime Minister Raila Odinga offered his "brother" Deputy Prime Minister Uhuru Kenyatta (UK).
Opinion polls are pretty much a statistical dead-heat on who, between these two, will be Kenya's fourth president. Yet, the propaganda machine behind UK, would have us believe that it is possible to use ICT to run Kenya; that Kenya is now sufficiently institutionalized for UK to be absent for all of at least two years defending himself at Den Haag and that UK and William Ruto, his running mate and fellow ICC-accused, have a plan to run the country while robustly attending to the rigours of defending themselves against the grave charges of crimes against them levelled at the ICC.
The scope of such nonsensical recklessness, even its own conceptualization, is simply and inescapably breath-taking. Professor Makau Mutua's contribution in the February 17, 2013 issue of the Sunday Nation at page 19 is eloquent about this.
And now to the winner of the trophy of shenanigans, mischief and nonsense: rock-star political analyst Mutahi Ngunyi. What he coined as the "Tyranny of Numbers" is quite literally instead, "The Tryranny of Mutahi".
For in this unbaked, uncooked, unscientific and abjectly pathetic attempt to convince us that the Jubilee Coalition started off at the end of voter registration with a "bankable" ethnic vote of 6.2 million votes or 43.2% of the vote whereas its main competition, the CORD Coalition, started off with 2.74 million or 19.2% of a "bankable" ethnic vote, Mutahi shows why banks in Kenya have regularly collapsed: literally and politically.
The only bankable attribute to these numbers is that they are a fraud of nonsensical proportions; and Mutahi himself knows it - as constitutional lawyer Wachira Maina puts it "Mutahi's numbers are not just implausible, they are plainly mistaken and probably propagandist."
Here, as Wachira shows, are three reasons why. First, "to say that Kenyans vote along ethnic lines does not lead to the conclusion that they vote for only their tribesman...the only vote that has historically refused to move is the Kikuyu vote...Secondly, even though the ethnic numbers seem plausible on the face of it more scientific studies, such as opinion polls, have consistently shown that Kenyans won't always vote the way Mutahi predicts...Thirdly, there are almost 3.5 million new voters who nobody knows as yet how they will vote."
I could add three other justifications to dismiss Mutahi Ngunyi and his large spoonful of propagandist salt: he recently predicted that Musalia Mudavadi is the secret horse in the current presidential race while we can all see that he is not even a horse; Mutahi also in the 2010 constitutional referendum debate loudly professed his love for the NO side by stating, despite all objective data to the contrary, that it would win anywhere upwards of 70% of Kenyan support; and after the 1992 elections where Mwai Kibaki came a dismal third, Mutahi was the one who offered him some pretty misplaced advise at the Outspan Hotel in Nyeri: retire because you are now political deadwood. 10 years later Kibaki was Kenya's president and twenty years on, not learning an iota from all this, Mutahi is still doing his thing. Nonsense; sheer nonsense; nonsense upon stilts!
Mugambi Kiai is the Kenya Program Manager at the Open Society Initiative for Eastern Africa (OSIEA). The views expressed in this column are entirely his and not OSIEA's.