The Star (Nairobi)

Kenya: International Relations, Too Little Sex

opinion

So, last week I meet a former colleague and as we start catching up, I note that she looks a little tired and under the weather.

When I asked her what was going on, she smiled cheekily and said that she is actually in a really good space. I asked her what the space was and her answer cracked me up. She is juggling three guys right now; three guys in three different continents. I laughed and said, "talk about international relations."

It all sounds so glamorous doesn't it? Well yes until you think about the details: three guys, three time zones so three different times of day, or night, when they can communicate properly. It means that this woman, while she is spoilt for distant choice, is not sleeping. These men are keeping her up at night.

As we giggled about her situation and how she was buying eye cream to keep her eyes looking somewhat awake and alive, it occured to me that not only is she sleep deprived, she is sex deprived but sexually charged because of all the late night conversations and flirtation. She then confessed that that is really the worst part about the whole deal. One of her men was to visit this week after elections and she was really looking forward to it then he cancelled.

Now you have to remember that when you are in a long-distance relationship, everything you say after "I booked my ticket for the 5th" is foreplay until you arrive.

This young woman has been shopping for lingerie, booked a few days off work, scheduled a hair appointment, facial and wax. This is no easy task. Our hair looks best two or three days after the salon, our face takes about 10 days to come into full bloom after a facial, and with bikini waxing everyone need a few days before the area is ready for play.

This takes careful choreography, all while working, voting and stocking up the fridge so you don't have to leave the house. She also had to create fights with the other two guys so that she could ignore them while she entertained this guy. Then he cancels? Then he cancels.

Apparently she has made her peace with the whole thing, declaring, "I am taking this as a much deserved holiday, I will vote then go home and enjoy what I stock in the fridge and catch up on my shows and some much-needed sleep. It will be great to ignore my skype, facebook, twitter, dropbox, email and phone for a few days. These international relations ain't easy and they are so expensive for so little sex!"

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