19 April 2013

Uganda: The Curse of the Marathon Man

Sometimes it's better to have Usain Bolt who will give you the best 9.69 seconds of your life than Stephen Kiprotich who will bore you to death with two hours.

Every guy wants to be that marathon man, the one who goes for hours without taking a break. No guy wants to be identified as the one who runs the 100meter-dash. So, men will sit down in bars and boast of how it takes them hours to get to the finish-line. Of course most will be embellished tales; still the marathon man will be the envy of his friends.

Yes, lasting long in bed is the dream of every man. Some will go an extra-mile to seek the help of experts, both traditional and modern. It doesn't get any better with the elusion created by the pornographic movies. The poor souls often forget that in the movies, the guys take a break when the director calls 'cut'.

In the quest for long distance power, there is something that men don't know or prefer to ignore. In most cases, a marathon man can turn out to be a woman's night mare. It sounds absurd, doesn't it? Why wouldn't a woman want an all-nighter?

Now, how do I explain this without sounding disrespectful? You see, sometimes it's better to have Usain Bolt who will give you the best 9.69 seconds of your life than Stephen Kiprotich who will bore you to death. Bolt takes time to interact with the crowd before he starts the race. By the time he starts his race, the fans are already excited.

But with Kiprotich, the fans will not pay attention until they realise he is about to reach the finish-line. In fact it will be a great relief that Kiprotich has finally made it to the finish line.

Guys with all due respect, its time you realised that the chances a woman would enjoy supporting you for 30, 60 or 90 minutes are very minimal. Half of that time she will be thinking about the bills she has to pay or she will be counting the cob webs stuck in the ceiling. Yes, the movies lied and so did your friends.

"Basically, I think 15 minutes of the actual thing would be ideal for me. More than 30 minutes actually gets to be quite uncomfortable", confesses Jane, a nurse. "And if I am not there in 15 minutes, don't expect extra 20 minutes to make a difference", she adds.

For some women it's not about the time but the skills that are employed. It's about the buildup before the actual race begins. "Personally I don't care if a guy lasts minutes, as long as the foreplay is good," says Edith a student at Makerere university.

Perhaps Edith is among 16% of women who according to research rarely or never orgasm through penetration. That's not all. The marathon is likely to take a toll on your relationship. It's assumed that women are supposed to have more difficulty reaching the finished line. So when the man doesn't, she takes it personally and thinks she's the problem.

"When you come across a guy who lasts too long, you begin to imagine that there is something wrong with you," says Brenda a boutique owner.

Gentlemen, I hope the message is clear. Before you boast about how many hours you can go, ask yourself whether that time is worthwhile.

Think of the bedroom as a dance floor. Just because you spend hours on the dance floor does not mean that you are an impressive dancer. We have all witnessed people making fools of themselves in night clubs for long hours. Well, even the best dancer gets boring after sometime!

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