A famous saying goes that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Other, such as "a chip off the old block", "like father, like son" and "she lives up to the family name," mean that the son or daughter is very similar in character to the parents.

More importantly, they infer that parents are to blame or applaud for how their children turn out. As is the norm at school reunions, at a recent one, the conversation turned to inquiring after old friends that seemed to have fallen off the radar. Of particular interest was this guy who was every girl's dream during our heydays, and thereafter at university.

Sadly, we learnt that he has not turned out to be the person we all expected. One of the reasons advanced for his rather unfavourable circumstances was that his father's abusive behaviour left an indelible mark on him that he has failed to break free from negative circumstances.

It got me thinking about how, in general, children tend to grow up to be a lot like their parents. Social scientists and genetic researchers have identified many cycles that loop from one generation to the next. There are cycles to domestic violence, teenage pregnancy, low self-esteem and divorce.

The guy I mentioned above grew up in an abusive family and consequently he has failed to sustain a relationship with any lady and he has been unable to hold down a job for long, partly due to his hostile nature. This lends itself to the fact that children raised in a home that handles disagreements violently struggle with a short temper.

The most important lesson to learn from this story is that role modelling can be an extremely effective tool in parenting. Parents are a child's first teachers and role models. Children learn how to behave by seeing how we behave and follow that example.

Being a positive role model, however, requires us as parents to discipline ourselves. When my children were younger, I would sometimes scold the helper in their presence. To my utter shock the children picked this up and began scolding them. I have since learnt my lesson. If we regularly put down other people, we are teaching children that they are not important.

Being consistent in teaching and setting examples is very important. If you tell your child that he must not hit people and then give him a spanking as punishment for his misbehaviour, your child will become confused by the mixed signals.

There is no shortage of negative role models for our children in today's society. Children and adolescents imitate the actions and appearances in music videos, movies and television stars. However, today's media is not promoting family values and modelling pro-social behaviour for children. Many parents would cringe to think their daughters would want to imitate some of behaviours of today's celebrities.

Of course, as parents we are not perfect. We lose our tempers, say things we are sorry for and are not always as kind as we would like to be. We are human. But we can work towards being a positive role model for our children, which is the most important and rewarding thing we can do for them.