8 April 2018

Zimbabwe: We Now Have New Visitors At Our Farms

Photo: The Guardian
Farming.
Blog

Astory which I do not find funny is doing the rounds in Zimbabwe. It is based on the simple fact that Botswana's bachelor president is retiring.

And someone remarks that maybe the country has been successful for the last decade because it did not have a first lady.

As if some first ladies, like myself, have the effect of undermining development in our countries!

Munopenga! Munopenga!

Funny how all those ungrateful people in Zanu PF, government and other organisations used to be irritatingly regular visitors to the Blue Roof or the orphanage in Mazowe.

They would all come pretending to be friends and asking for different favours while begging me to rule this country in the future.

Little did I know that they were lying through their teeth and urging me to make even more "reckressi statements denygrating the miritary and piporo with ribharesheni kridhenshariz", which resulted in tanks rolling into the streets of Harare.

Needless to say since the coup, I no longer receive visitors except for a few gold panners searching for gold in my garden.

I have a strong hunch that they were despatched by Lizard Dhakisi to intimidate us, but they are all spineless and can't handle a decent fight with me.

Armed with an extension cable and they with their shovels, I could leave blood flowing in the goldfields and a few cracked skulls.

Now you know what kind of people kill 20 000 unarmed civilians.

They send gold panners, roll out tanks against a 93-year-old man, cut off arms of hundreds of opposition activists and destroy the homes of innocent people and call it murambatsvina.

Along the way they would have killed several white commercial farmers and destroyed a whole economy and made the majority jobless and poor, but are never embarrassed to ask you to vote for them.

Workers' Party? Lawyers' Party? Men's Party?

The Movement for Democratic Change, MDC, is a very interesting party.

It started off as one political party, then split into several units before the estranged members decided to get back together in order to improve their electoral chances.

More like a divorced couple coming together in order to pool their finances to buy a house.

So they went into an alliance or coalition with themselves, so to speak.

Along the way they embraced several one-man political outfits who are even surprised at their good fortune to be called principals.

Their supporters cannot even fill a kombi.

But you wait until the "principals" start making outrageous demands and pulling out of the coalition.

The party, MDC, started off as a workers' party but as soon as Tsvangirai died, they ejected the most senior trade unionist who was left in their senior ranks, Thokozani Khupe.

Hence the question: Workers' party? Lawyers' party? Party for capitalists? Men's party?

Anzhayeti of Shenanigans Dynasty

Zimbabweans were at one time going on and on about very silly allegations.

"Mugabe dynasty!" they howled when Bona was given a post on the Censorship Board. Did she ever get to attend any of those meetings? When nephew Patrick Zhuwao was made a government minister, they continued howling.

They went hysterical when people started saying Doctor Amai Grace Mugabe should be made vice-president of the country.

It's like now as if there is anything wrong with the father-in-law of vice-president Shenanigans being appointed to a senior position in Zifa.

It's a double master stroke as it will keep Blah Phidza away from the attention of the junta after he so shamelessly supported and funded my rallies.

Still with VP Shenanigans, we may find some people making wild allegations that just because his mother in-law is making moves to take over a constituency could be part of building a dynasty.

Others will even try and make unhelpful allegations that the junta is about dynasties as Chris Mutsvangwa and his wife Monica are very senior people in government.

Monica doing her bit in Manicaland while Chris advises Lizard Ngwena to wear a scarf all the time.

What will he be wearing in summer?

We won't even mention the fact that their son has been appointed to sit on another board.

Or even obedient fat boy and his wife who are both MPs.

Kutonga kwaro gamba.

Please let us not mention the other junta boys. We may mislead voters during elections.

They may start thinking there is anything wrong with the leadership gobbling all the positions and opportunities.

We may end up having a situation like last week whereby people were saying Zimbabwe, like DeMbare and Manchester City, was open for business.

Just like the dualisation of the Beitbridge-Masvingo highway?

Very unpatriotic indeed.

It's like the people asking what happened to the targeted criminals surrounding President Mugabe.

At least some unpatriotic observers are busy spreading unhelpful rumours that some of them can regularly be seen at top tables of important national events.

Ntombizodwa woyeee!

Mboko woyee!

Shenanigans woyee!

Dr Amai Stop it! (PhD-Fake)

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