Africa: Fake News Headlines We Wish Were Actually True

Google
7 November 2016
blog

We have all fallen prey to 'clickbait' headlines that turn out to be satirical takes on the news. Fake headlines have become a regular occurrence on social media but legitimate stories featuring the recurring themes of violence, terrorism and corruption can make us wish for a different world. Here are some fake headlines we wished are true.

Bafana Bafana Wins World Cup
South Africa wins the World Cup first time in history after midfielder Siphiwe Tshabalala's extra-time goal claimed a dramatic 1-0 victory over Germany. I think many people have been waiting to witness such news.

Back in the day, Bafana Bafana was a great team, but somehow they have been losing focus. In fact, the national team has only scored more goals is in paid adverts than in real games.. Can you imagine, South Africa's Sport Minister Fikile Mabula rephrasing his statement to "a bunch of winners".

We can only dream.

Mugabe to Step Down as President
You wake up, pick up the newspaper and the top headline reads, "The 92 year-old said he quits politics but hopes his successors will be better than him."  LOL, if only wishes were horses, beggars would ride ...

President Robert Mugabe has been ruling the country for 26 years now, and has used all manner of tactics to stay in power. A number of Zimbabweans and Africans has kindly asked the leader to step aside to make way for others to have a chance to lead the country back to its former glory. How could the breadbasket of Africa have deteriorated so quickly into the continent's basket case? So Bob, please, please, give others a chance, and we are not talking about your wife Grace, but a person qualified to lead the country to economic improvement.

Lobola Declared Illegal
Let's face it, lobola has become more about greed. I guess some people will be happy if it becomes illegal. The original intention of lobola was to create a bond between two families. But now, this beautiful tradition has lost everything it is meant to stand for. Back in the day, lobola was paid in form of cattles, but modern families can even use electronic transfers, or give a car as form of payment.

Beyonce Announces Africa Tour
To all my Beyhives, you know this could be the biggest news of our lives. I could skip rent, just to buy that ticket. Every time the star announces a new world tour, we always have our fingers crossed to see if she mentions a country on the continent. Who wouldn't want to witness her stellar performances...
Fans have been asking the queen for years to visit our shores. Maybe, one day our wish will come true.

Wildlife to Receive Self-Defence Training on How To Fight Poachers
Who can forget when that ruthless U.S. dentist Walter Palmer shot and killed Cecil the Lion in Zimbabwe's Hwange National Park a year ago? The killing sparked an international outcry and greater scrutiny of trophy hunting. I honestly don't understand why one has the desire to kill a magnificent animal for "sport". Looking at the grim plight of African wildlife, over the past few years Africa has suffered an onslaught of poaching. What can be done about these species before they are at the edge of extinction?

Jacob Zuma Donates Nkandla to Children's Home
Wouldn't it be nice, considering all the monies Mr President pocketed. President Jacob Zuma used as much as R240 million to upgrade his private Nklandla home. Instead, he could have used all that money to help prevent #TheFeesMustFall saga that is taking over all the tertiary institutes. To make it worse, JZ paid only R7.8 million. Such robbery!!!  Mr President, you have failed the legacy of Nelson Mandela. So could Jacob Zuma be a force for good and kindly resign.

Fake Yellow Bones to Be Arrested
The concept of "yellow bones" has dominated the perception of what beauty should like among black women. All I can say is that we should all be mindful of what is considered beautiful. This can hopefully help us to overcome our biases, regardless of our inherited physical traits. With all our beautiful melanin and then you see someone bleaching it, is it even necessary! That hashtag #bleachedbeauty should return to shame those who bleach.

U.S. Presidential Candidate Trump Withdraws From Race
Every time that Donald Trump opens his mouth, he says something controversial. The fact that some people were even suggesting it, means that people don't trust and believe in his word.  So imagine Trump calling it quits, such would be sweet words to many and maybe that could make America great again. Anyhow, all the best to Americans as you cast your votes and VOTE wisely!!!

What are some of the headlines you wish were real?

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