Chest thumping professionals should worry about the rookies by the ringside. Soul brother Anthony Joshua recently lost his two title belts to a virtually unknown bozo, Andy Ruiz. Someone asked why Joshua is such a deal? It's because, he identified with a country that disappointed him when he needed it most. Britain keeps our best and repatriates our worst. When we find a posterchild, we should claim him. Thank you Tony - respect.
Canada's Raptors have broken their country's 24-year losing streak in basketball, a sport created by one of their own. That only happened under the management of Masai Ujiri, the young manager is half Naija and half Kenyan. Canadians won't hear of it. He is not identified as a Nigerian prince, Canadian pseudonym for 419. Waiting to read Ujiri's story very likely to be one of those 'Naija-disappoint me, so I took my talents where it could shine uninhibited' stories. You could bet on it. Half of his blood has Naija DNA, Ujiri is not a lazy youth and we love to associate with success, don't we?
Twitter is burning with reports of 46 Naija girls who cleaned out half the medals on the table at a Howard University graduation. No mainstream media has reported this. Don't expect them to. Donald Trump would not tweet about it, nothing to boast about smart children from shithole countries beating his best on their own turf. But, wait a minute - were they born American?
If they were Americans with Naija blood flowing in them, it's worth celebrating. Take Naija out of the best in America and what is left is not enviable - trust me. If they left the Naija academic environment to go abroad to achieve that feat, two things are involved. They left a suffocating and crippling academic environment to shores where they could shine. But they first cleaned out their parent's life savings. A Howard undergraduate training costs $24k for students with scholarship. Don't faint doing the maths.
Don't blame parents securing their own future by securing the future of their children. As most Naija retirees know, a secured child is the retirement benefit of a hardworking parent. Even Buhari defended sending his children abroad saying 'he could afford it'. Buhari has sustained the best legacy of universities - strikes and shutdowns. As they say in Naija, he shouldn't say 'pim'.
The Howard girls are not alone. Tolu Kehinde, another young Naija graduated twice this year. She earned a degree in medicine from Dartmouth and picked an MBA from Tufts according to a YouTube video corroborated by her family friend. Tolu was the Valedictorian at Tufts and she spoke quite naturally - like a Naija!
Buhari knew that his health is failing. For the second time in his political career, he promised to fix hospitals but hasn't. One should expect the man with no certificate to fix schools for a greater future, but it hasn't happened yet. Yet #SaiBabarians want to claim the glory. After all, lifeless as he may have been described, when the world thinks about us, it is Buhari's picture they see.
So clap for Muhammadu Buhari, he is a winner. Even his wife knows that. Last week, she rejected the colourless title of 'Wife of the President' and joined the fashion-conscious league of First Ladies. She has fought hard to beat the relegation to the kitchen, the sitting room and the other room. This is feminism, Arsehole Rock style. And that dress she wore before the announcement shows she is ready to fly. Don't ask me to where.
From now on, whenever Sai Baba earns his Air Miles, his wife would clock in hers. Goodluck Jonathan must have seen this coming while buying those jets. With Buhari certain to return as substantive petroleum minister, long live carbon footprints and our petro dollars in the pockets of foreign designers.
Buhari is smart. He sat through his first term convincing the nation that as a reformed democrat, he believes in the sanctity of elections and the separation of powers. Well, EU election observers discovered he didn't tell the whole truth. Blame Bukola Saraki for what happened in the legislathief arm last week.
As the 9th Assembly loaded, Buhari threw his garment of pretence into the Kusugu well and donned the epaulet of the military strategist. He recruited Nasir el-Rufai as a battle-axe and now has his puppets in control at the legislathief arm. All things are possible!
With Trump toying with the idea of a life presidency, it becomes only illegal if America says so. Those close to Obj say he told his friends that if Museveni could do it, why can't he? But he failed. Now Sai Baba's voltrons would argue that if it crossed Trump's mind, it is expedient. Plus, they have puppets to implement it.
The new man in the Red Chamber has promised budget passage in three months -, shall we say with heavy padding? The last picture of Obj I saw was not complimentary. I hope the Wizard of Ota is not in 'sifia pains'. He should live longer, to see us have our final laugh of his years of political subterfuge. With stuff like these, let the games begin!