My Dear People,
Let me start off by clearing the air on one of the most puzzling issues in Zimbabwe.
The mystery surrounding the unending trips by ED Lacoste, which must rank as the most useless or unproductive trips of all time.
A member of his delegation recently whispered to me that even the head of the Lacoste gangsters, ED, can no longer stand life in Zimbabwe.
My spies in the inner circle say he has reportedly been heard whispering to others confessing he has made an absolute dog's breakfast of the country.
In other words, completely failed do deliver a better Zimbabwe than what Gushungo gave the people of Zimbabwe.
There is a feeling that he may even be considering moving to the Diaspora like many Zimbabweans because he can't stand life in Zimbabwe anymore.
Lack of electricity, bread shortages, pot-holed roads, failure to collect refuse and a host of other failures.
But for now, while he is still able, if he feels like experiencing what normal functional countries go through, he organises a foreign trip so that he can bathe in clean warm water and splurge on bacon, sausages and other such food "luxuries".
A case in point is the recent useless trip to Namibia where seven or so equally useless agreements were signed. The visit had nothing about improving our welfare as Zimbabweans.
The chap simply wanted to have three-course meals for a few days in a foreign land in order to nourish himself just like they do when they fall sick and scrounge in foreign lands.
With this guy at the helm, Zimbabwe is doomed. See just how further down the drain he will have taken us by December. Or could that be too far even?
It does look like there was another scandal concerning the netball team, our Gems.
While government fails to deliver from the president to his Cabinet, other Zimbabweans, like the netball team, do their best to put smiles on Zimbabweans' faces.
Is it not ironic that while the Gems were being feted for putting up a decent show during the netball World Cup, a government minister was being arraigned before the courts for corruption?
Still on the netball scandal, we were intrigued by The Horrid newspaper's understanding of basic geography.
According to a story written by Comrade Murwira: "Government will reward appropriately the Zimbabwe Senior National Netball team, the Gems, that finished eighth at the Vitality Netball World Cup, in Liverpool, London, a Cabinet minister has said."
Other than the atrocious sentence construction, the whole statement is a lie.
Either the writer or the minister is a liar or simply clueless about what they are talking about, with the latter being the most likely.
Liverpool is not in London. Simple. It's like saying something happened in Gweru, Harare!
You need close to five hours of driving between London and Liverpool! I think the newspaper needs to carry a disclaimer for their young readers that some of the things that they carry are basically lies, half truths and unverified allegations.
This will help parents make decisions on whether to let their children use the newspaper as a point of reference. Maybe that is why they still write stories of communities "pulling" their resources together while the difference between "sent" and "send" continues to harass the comrades at the publication together with their fellow comrades at ZBC.
Just who is in charge in Zanu PF?
Somebody needs to explain a few things for us. Just who is in charge in Zanu PF? Is it the youth league or is it ED Lacoste? Does ED not have enough spine to tackle the corrupt people in his party.
Just how clean is ED himself? Is it true that he is sending members of the youth league to say what even he is afraid to say?
Is it true that he is afraid to label anybody in the party as corrupt because unpleasant truths may tumble out of closets?
Truths such as what happened to the party's investments?
Cyclone Idai First Family
Congratulations to Cyclone Auxillia for visiting the clinic where she was born in Mashonaland Central. We now understand why she was angry with NatPharm senior management recently.
Could it be that she may have wanted to have the clinic where she was born fully stocked with medical drugs before her visit?
She does good work, but she tries too hard and it will not harm her not to appear on television.
Is she aware that her behaviour of charging like a bull in a maize field has affected donor relations?
Is she aware that crashing into a sensitive place Cyclone Idai style is already having far-reaching implications on Zimbabwe accessing medical drugs because of "interference"?
These are the donors who provide the few tablets that find their way into our clinics and hospitals.
It may not affect her if some donors pull out because of her cyclone tendencies, but the majority of poor Zimbabweans will be affected. Big time. While Mom is causing all sorts of confusion in the health sector, Dad is efficiently destroying the country through leadership failure.
Then comes the first son-in-law who has waded into sport with the devastating effects of Cyclone Idai.
Cricket has been thrown into the wilderness thanks to the son-in-law who seems to borrow behavioural traits from Mom-and Dad-in-law of cyclonic behaviour.
What next, netball, football and rugby?
Did Chamisa not promise us national rallies to salute people for voting for him? Now he is saying he is going to give us Reload or is it Unload rallies?
Are middle-aged and elderly people allowed to attend the rallies given the party's intolerance towards people who are not young? Ageism?
As usual, all rallies, I am sure, will be held in urban or peri-urban areas to allow their elder brother Zanu PF unfettered access to their strongholds in rural areas. And, of course, the MDC PF will remind its members as an after-thought on the eve of the 2023 elections on the need to register as voters.
Meanwhile, the continued reminders of the upcoming peaceful demonstrations by the leadership is noted. We also note the continuing deteriorating service delivery under local authorities controlled by the MDC.
Lacoste and Cyclone Auxillia TV News Bulletin
Away from the inconveniences caused by Zesa, some Zimbabweans are very grateful to Zesa for failing to deliver electricity.
Thank you Zesa! They are all saying in their homes.
The reason: Rather than watch a national television news bulletin featuring Lacoste, Cyclone Auxillia and the son-in-law, they prefer the darkness!
Gushungo Chete Chete!
Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)