Nigeria: Not a Recruitment Scandal

23 October 2019
opinion

Things would go well with our nation if people understand the logic of Animal Farm. In George Orwell's feral country, all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others. This fiction of equality is at the root of the trouble with Naija. Can't believe that people truly believe in equality. Because government is generous enough not to tax oxygen some think they are equal to those in government. A very silly conjecture indeed.

So, it was time to recruit at the FIRS and the equality brigade opened its antennae to monitor the recruitment process. The rules stipulate that all vacancies must be advertised. People who could hardly spell their own names think that all means - everything, without exception. They forget the rider to the rule - all animals are equal; but some are more equal than others.

A letter goes to the President of the Sinnate allotted 26 of the 100 given to the assembly. People trooped to social media street with placards shouting 'kwarrupshion' without official clarification. Only Sai Baba's nose can sniff out an act of corruption. Nobody has a right under the lore to define corruption outside the only man in 200 million to whom Allah has granted unparalleled access to the true definition of what is corruption.

Sai Baba is a good man who'll let you have your wail, conscious that the buck stops at his table. As Babachir Lawal would testify, it is not corruption except Sai Baba says so. Because there is freedom of expression, people think that everything they read, see or hear is true. They forget the three monkeys' rule.

In our great country, there are different channels for accessing official truth. We have a ministry of propaganda led by a veteran. Since Sai Baba got his second term ticket, Alhaji Lai Mohammed has reacted less and silenced more. Apparently, he doesn't like how those who cannot spell correctly call him Alhaji Lie.

Then, there is NTA and FRCN - whose introductory bulletin reminds us who's in charge- President Muhammadu Buhari. We have the duo of Pastor Femi Adesina and Malam Garba Shehu - guys who have paid their dues to journalism and are earning their epaulettes in officialese. None of these official channels have said anything about privileges being corruption. In fact, they don't say much these days. They'll let us know when Sai Baba our petroleum minister; breaks the president's ban on ministerial foreign trips to go to Sochi. No corruption here except you want to accuse our neighbours who opened new routes for foreign rice to seep in through the crevices.

I'll never let anybody put me in trouble. I won't call something corruption except the President or any of his ministers so name it. Such effrontery is not only a sign of bad upbringing; it is treasonable. I'll never carry a report saying that a technically defeated Boko Haram have run over a town or city even with video recording. Under the law, that too would be treasonable. Treason carries a long jail term for those who are lucky not to be officially kidnapped. That is the lesson that Dadiyata learnt too late leaving his family susceptible to hunger, depression and cardiac disease.

Now, back to recruitments. The police farce has been fingered in lopsided recruitments. I can't quote Sai Baba on this so; it's just a story. It says our IG has skewed the recruitment in his own favour and that Nasarawa state got 538 recruits instead of 138 or something like that. Figures can be confusing in a country where we can't even count each other. If you think I believed this story, you're wrong.

As the first IG from Nasarawa, Mohammed Adamu should be granted a little incumbency privilege. It is not everyday that Nasarawa gets a news headline even with its proximity to the seat of power. With this IG's record on crime fighting, there must be something unique in the water flowing from Lafia taps that is not in others. The more Nasarawa officers we have, the better for this country's crime kingpins.

The worst of the recruitment scandals is the allegation that Katsina got about 400 recruits, next only to Nasarawa. Those peddling such rumours want to get the IG sacked! But this president is generous. Indeed he is modesty personified. He is not greedy and does not grab and grub. He is a rewarder of loyalty -some even say he rewarded a certain mistress with an entire ministry unknown to the 5th Schedule of the confusion. Permit me to say that if true, that would be true compensation for loyalty and I see nothing bad in these things. Most people would do worse if they had the opportunity. The difference between a Naija in power and his critic is - opportunity.

By the way, where were these wailers when, to Allah's glory some people were being recruited into the Central Bank and the NNPC? Selecting candidates from the privileged class is the best form of recruitment. I wouldn't say it is bad because, as they say in Ken Nnamani's Sinnate, I have never won elections nor (has one ever been rigged in my favour.)

NOMINATE AFRICAN OF THE YEAR 2019

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