Last week, we had a WhatsApp Flash Chat in which Nyokabi Kamau answered questions on family violence. Nyokabi is a relationship coach who trains and empowers people with respects to relationships and family in order to achieve the desired outcomes in relationships.
If he slaps me, should I be concerned or understand he was mad?
Physical abuse doesn’t happen overnight, it starts simple, the best thing is to be firm about the discussion. For example; Last night we had a heated disagreement that resulted in you becoming physical with me and..See the picture.
State your position about it, let him know it’s unacceptable no matter how bad things get.Let him know you are okay with him removing himself out of that situation and taking a walk if he can’t stomach the augment any longer.
My sister is in a violent marriage and one time I was so mad at her husband and our last conversation ended up being abusive. After sometime my sister went back to her husband and the whole situation seems awkward. Help, I feel like am the bad one.
First things first, with two people who are in love it’s difficult to tell them anything, your sister is like an addict, in order to help her it has to start with her, she needs to realize herself that she needs help, people who are abused have a tendency to remain in that situation because they believe they can help that person or feel trapped and can’t get out.
What’s the best thing to do in a public setting when you hear someone being shouted at or physically assaulted?
If you are able to help please do. One way to help is to separate the two individuals and allow each to cool off separately. Then talk to each individual and try to bring a fair ear to the situation.
My cousin was beaten by her husband to death, and now my uncle has left all the matters pending as he has no time to follow up with the case,how can you help him?
Try talking to him to come to teams with what happened, then help him decide the cause of action moving forward like going to report the matter, gathering both families together for discussions and such.
What are the red flags to look out for to know that a situation is going to escalate? Whether immediately or over time?
Abusive language that’s becoming more and more over anything and everything.
Blame game: eg You are the reason why I did what I did, or if you didn’t do this and that this wouldn’t have happened.
Physical attacks – Grabbing and such things
If you’re a parent who had an abusive partner, how do you explain this to your children and how do you tell a child about the parent who was abusive?
This is very sensitive, talk to a children councilors, let them give you a clear map on how to go about it because it can affect the children if you go into it without proper help.
Do you correct your partner in front of the kids when he starts to emotionally abuse the children or in private and how do you protect your kids from emotional family violence?
First, never correct him in front of the children because it’s a sign of disrespect and that will only escalate the situation. Have a sober conversation, when it comes to the well being of children.
If a sober conversation is not doing it, involve, spiritual authorities and if it’s really bad the law. Don’t allow your children to go through abuse of any kind, it’s our job to protect them. There is a thin line between abusive discipline and discipline, discipline is correction of behavior, abuse is breaking the spirit of a child.
Abuse is not only physical but also emotional and psychological. Any kind of abuse leaves the abused in a state of confusion, depression, doubts and many other effects due to trauma. If you are going through physical abuse or you know a person going through abuse, the Gender-Based Violence-free hotline is 1195. Furthermore, if you would like to join a community of women healing from abuse, WhatsApp +254736275978.